Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star Page #5

for Boggle night.

I love your slogan.

Eat Redondi

Fill your belly

Monday through Sunday

That's perfect. My name is Claudio

and I'll be directing this commercial.

We're gonna put you on tape.

- Did you get to peep the script?

- Peep?

Peep?

Screw it. We'll do a cold read.

You're a pro.

Owen, press record.

And Bucky, go for it.

Okay.

- Holy sh*t!

- F***, man, what are you doing?

No, no, no!

Did I whack it right?

- Stop the camera! Stop it!

- Oh, my God.

Oh, my God, he's going for his butt!

- Get out of here, you pervert!

- Get the f*** out!

Did I get the part?

Hey.

Hey, man. Pull your pants up.

What the f*** is your problem?

I don't know. I was doing what the guys

in the neighborhood told me to.

So this is a dare,

some YouTube bullshit?

No. I wanna be a movie star,

like my folks.

They were on camera

and they were nude.

And they helped people.

- Who the hell were your parents?

- Rosie Bush and Jim Spraysium.

The porn stars from the '70s?

- Are you serious?

- Yeah, for sure.

Look at the picture.

Holy sh*t, that is them.

Rosie Bush.

Damn, her bush sure was rosy.

That explains it, how you got

that thick Midwest accent.

I don't have an accent.

So you seriously wanna do porn?

You can't whip your dick out

at mac-and-cheese commercials.

You'll go to jail.

I don't wanna go to jail.

When I started out,

I used to direct some porno.

A lot of directors do it.

There's nothing weird about it.

My boy Dick Shadow's

having a house party tonight.

You can make

a lot of connections there.

People will trip meeting the son

of Rosie and Jim.

- A trip out?

- Do you wanna roll with me?

Yeah, I'll roll with you.

Actually,

I'm glad you wanna do porn.

At first, I thought you had some weird

mac-and-cheese fetish.

No, I don't use fetish cheese.

I use Velveeta.

Oh, you can't go this way.

They probably called the cops.

I've never ridden

in a convertible before.

This is something else.

Get the full experience, man.

Stand up, feel the breeze.

- Are you serious?

- Yeah, buddy.

Holy cow! That was wild, man.

Bucky,

I think you've got bugs in your teeth.

- No.

- You wanna scrape those off...

- ...before you get to the party.

- Oh, it's still moving!

This is the joint, Bucky,

the hardest, horniest party in town.

If you wanna be in the porn world,

you got to know the Shadow.

Shadows are so mysterious.

What's up, Ricky?

- What's up, guys?

- Where are you going, crackhead?

Yo, guys, he's cool. He's with me.

Your hands are like a bear trap.

- Any cameras or weapons?

- No, I don't--

Cool. Don't bite anybody.

Hi, how are you? Good to see you.

- Claudio.

- Hey

Hey, guys. How are you? Having fun?

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