Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star Page #6

Sushi?

"Sushi"? Is that with an "S"?

Sushi. All right.

Oh, it smells like--

Do you want some sushi?

No, thank you! No, thank you!

So, Dick Shadow.

Is that a family name?

Because it sounds like a superhero.

Well, in many ways,

I am a superhero.

Yeah, when I was a boy...

...I was 12 or so,

I was playing out in the fields.

The sun was so bright that day.

I was wearing these baggy shorts.

A bee flew up my trousers.

Oh, my God.

Yeah.

Sol panicked, right?

I took off my shorts

as fast as I could.

I stood there naked

from the waist down.

Well, where did the bee go?

Doesn't matter. He flew away.

But as I stood there...

...the wind blowing and the sun

beating down on my manhood...

...I saw a shadow before me.

It was gigantic.

Then I looked over

to the neighborhood girls.

And their mothers.

And they were standing there

in awe of my shadow.

And that's when

Randy Dooley died...

...and Dick Shadow was born.

Nothing grows in my cock shade.

Nothing.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah. Yeah.

Claudio. My man.

Dick Shadow.

Hey.

Ladies, why don't you take a break?

Give me a second

with my buddy here.

There's somebody I want you to meet.

You'll get a kick out of this.

Do you remember

Rosie Bush and Jim Spraysium?

Yeah, I think so. Married couple

from the '70s, talked like retards...

- ...never shaved?

- Yeah. This is their son.

He wants to get into porn.

Really?

So, what do you want to do?

You wanna be a lighting guy...

...or a fluffer?

No, a star.

Okay.

Well, let's see what you got.

Here I go.

I got about two bucks

and some Bazooka Joes.

It's a little warm, but it's chewable.

No, no. Let's see your stuff.

Oh, my-- My stuffs in my apartment.

Was I supposed to bring it?

No, your junk, kid. Whip it out.

Your dick, Bucky. Pull down your

pants. That's what he's talking about.

- Oh, my....

- Yeah.

Yeah.

Very impressive.

This is quite extraordinary, Bucky.

I think you've got quite a future

in this business.

- No.

- Yeah.

Can I borrow him for a minute?

I would just love

to show him around...

...and introduce him

to some people, okay?

Yeah, come on. No, I'm serious.

It's Miles Deep, the director.

How about I direct my dick

in your mouth...

...if you don't get

the f*** out of here?

Look, let me just go in there

for a minute and I can--

Wait. Wait. You son of a b*tch.

Party people!

Yeah. Let's stop the music, please.

I've got somebody very important

I want you to meet.

Now I've seen many porn stars

come and go...

...but this guy right here I just met...

...he's gonna be coming

for a very long time.

Ladies and gentlemen,

may I present Bucky Larson?

Hey, how are you?

Drop the pants.

Show them what you got, kid.

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