Balls of Fury Page #4

(SCREAMING)

(THUDDING)

Now, gweilo, we begin.

Ping-Pong is not

the Macarena.

It takes patience.

She is like a fine,

well-aged prostitute.

It takes years

to learn her tricks.

(LAUGHING)

She is cruel.

Laughs at you

when you are naked.

(LAUGHING)

But you keep coming back

for more and more.

Why?

Because she is the

only prostitute I can afford.

(SIGHS RUEFULLY)

Gweilo, give me your paddle.

Here.

Now, for the time being,

you will practice with this.

(DERIDING)

What, are you crazy?

It's impossible, man.

Nobody can do that.

That was nice.

All right.

(SIGHS IN EXASPERATION)

Come on.

One more time.

Come on.

(BIRD CHIRPING)

Do I have to eat that?

To strengthen the body

and not the mind

is to build a temple

on shifting sand.

In my hand I hold a cricket.

What'd you do that for?

Don't take the cricket

from my hand.

Who the hell said,

"Take the cricket

from my hand"?

I just...

Put it back.

That is my lucky cricket.

Oh.

Well, he just...

He flew out of my hand, man.

You squished him?

No.

You squished lucky cricket?

No.

(SPEAKING CHINESE)

Thanks a lot, kid!

So, Maggie,

what do you do

when you're not here?

So sorry,

don't speak English.

But didn't I hear

you speak English

on the phone yesterday?

No, you must be mistaken,

because I don't speak

any English.

I'm just trying

to get better acquainted.

I know what you're trying

to get, table jockey.

For as long as I can remember,

guys have been in here

with their hands all over me,

with your stupid come-ons.

"Give me a hand

with my balls, Maggie."

Let me guess.

You're not around girls much

or you probably wouldn't

play Ping-Pong, right?

Yeah, well,

I thought that your dad

played Ping-Pong.

Do not compare yourself

to my father.

My father was a great man.

I'm not. It's just a game.

It's not just a game!

It is a proud tradition

my family have devoted

their lives to!

You treat that tradition

like a joke.

Uncle says you have no honor.

I say you have no shot.

So turn off the charm,

table jockey.

(MOANING)

Oh, God.

WONG:

You need to build

wrist strength.

Eye-hand coordination.

Endurance.

(FLIES BUZZING)

Oh, come on!

You got me hitting balls

with spoons.

I'm swatting flies, now?

You not hit flies.

You hit bees.

What?

Come on!

(BEES BUZZING)

Oh, sh*t!

(SCREAMING)

Oh, sh*t!

(CRYING)

You are halfway

through your training.

Now comes the difficult part.

The backhand.

You must believe in yourself

when no one else does.

Like right now,

for instance.

What?

What do you mean

I hit the net?

Dad!

Freeze!

Hands on your head!

Oh, that's right, man.

I'm in Chinatown.

I'm sorry, man.

(GASPING)

Want to pop off

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