Balls of Fury Page #5

a couple of rounds?

Always makes me feel better.

Listen to me.

Are you a real,

fully-licensed FBI guy?

I'm serious, man.

I mean, why...

You know, why would

a real FBI guy

take on a mission like this?

Nobody else would

be caught dead

on Operation Ping-Pong.

All right, they don't expect

us to catch Feng.

They got 20 agents

working other angles, man.

I'm the backup plan.

Look, I joined the company

for action, man.

You know, car chases,

hang-gliding,

James Bond stuff.

Drinking martinis,

saving girls from danger.

I haven't gotten

to wear a tuxedo

since my goddaughter Martha's

quinceanera, man.

For the last five years,

I've been at a desk, typing.

I'm up to 70 words a minute.

(PHONE RINGING)

Hello.

Maggie, is that you?

Slow down.

Slow down in English.

(ALARM RINGING)

What happened?

"Teaching outsiders

is forbidden."

We've defied the elders,

now they're shutting us down.

They have

forbidden me to teach

in Chinatown, forever.

Well, don't worry.

The FBI's gonna find out

who did this.

We know who did it.

It is written right there.

No, no, no, no. No FBI.

We will settle this

in our own way.

Gweilo, only

you can restore our honor.

You must go to the elders.

You must face the Dragon.

Okay, well, time out.

We don't have time

for some ancient Chinese

pissing contest.

Feng's match is coming up.

And if we want Feng's scouts

to see Randy

win some trophies,

we got to get him out

to some tournaments.

Foolish secret agent man.

Real Ping-Pong

is not played for trophies.

It is played in the shadows,

in dark alleys and backrooms

for hard cash

and cheap, ugly women.

If gweilo beats the Dragon,

it will reach Feng's ears,

I assure you.

We're here.

The lair of the Dragon.

From here we go alone.

(SPEAKING CHINESE)

Good luck, kid.

Thanks, man.

Randy, wait.

Yeah?

I want you to have this.

It belonged to my father.

Whoa.

Maggie, I can't take this.

He'd have wanted you

to have it.

Take it, you are ready.

It has defeated many enemies.

Good luck, Randy.

Thanks.

Come, gweilo.

The Dragon is the most

feared table tennis player

in all Chinatown.

Welcome to the underbelly

of Ping-Pong.

Where fortunes

are won and lost.

I'm exaggerating, of course,

but you get my point.

People bet on Ping-Pong here.

So you think you're good,

huh, gweilo?

Well, put money

where mouth is.

$4. No pay, no play.

Got change for $5?

That's all I got.

This guy doesn't seem

so tough to me.

That is not the Dragon.

That is the Dragon.

Gweilo,

remember, you suck

when you are nervous.

Thanks, Master.

First player

to lead by 3, wins.

Gweilo loses,

Wong and his descendants

are banished

from Chinatown forever.

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