Balls of Fury Page #3

some slack, man?

I need some time to warm up.

Time we don't have.

Feng's tournament's

in two weeks.

Man, I got to get you

in shape.

(AMBULANCE SIREN)

ERNIE:

We're here.

The world's greatest

Ping-Pong instructor

owns a takeout restaurant?

Don't hate.

The school's upstairs.

This guy's blind,

so let me do the talking.

Wong won't train just anybody.

And he never trains gweilo.

Who?

Gweilo.

It means "round eye."

Gringo. You, man.

He only takes

Chinese students.

Damn, bro.

Hey...

(SPEAKING CHINESE)

You okay, dude?

Get out!

Get out.

I don't teach gweilo.

How did you know that

we were gweilo?

Same way that I can tell

you are 30 years old.

Too old to start training.

(EXCLAIMING TRIUMPHANTLY)

Pudgy.

You are filled

with self-doubt.

(SNIFFING)

And you use Lady Speed Stick.

It was on sale.

Feng was my most gifted pupil.

He played table tennis

like the devil

in short shorts.

But he had expensive taste.

He began to steal and extort.

Turning my school

of table tennis

into a den of thieves.

And when I cast him out,

he joined the Triad.

He lured my brother Le Ping

in with him.

And when Le Ping tried

to go straight, he killed him.

Le Ping's daughter

was left fatherless.

If you help Randy and me

get to Feng's, we'll nail him.

I give you my word.

I will help you,

secret agent man.

You will start training

tomorrow, Randy.

Bring only your strength,

your honor

and a check for $300.

Hey, secret agent man.

I tell you something

right now, the truth.

Your boy will not pull it off.

We need a natural.

Something I can work with.

You know what I mean.

(SCREAMING)

Dude!

What?

What did I miss?

Well, if it isn't

the infamous Randy Daytona.

How was Disneyland?

Did you meet Dumbo?

Is it always this crowded?

Only when I'm not teaching.

WONG:

That's my niece,

Maggie Wong Mei Fei.

She brings her father,

Le Ping, great honor.

(PHONE RINGING)

Wong's Mu Shu Palace,

how can I help you?

(SPEAKING CHINESE)

WONG:

She will be the one

who will be giving you

hands-on training.

Gives "wax off"

a whole new meaning.

(GRUNTING)

Rule one, gweilo.

No touching my niece.

Understand?

Yeah, I understand.

(SIGHS IN PAIN)

(CROWD CLAPPING)

What?

Table jockey.

Let them work it out, man.

Let them work it out.

What does she weigh?

Like, 40 pounds?

Come on, man.

They're gonna kick your ass!

Who wants to... Oh.

(SCREAMING)

Maggie!

Your temper brings dishonor

to my Happy Mu Shu Palace.

You'll be sorry, Wong!

And teaching gweilo

is forbidden. You know that!

I'll tell the elders.

You will have

to face the Dragon.

Let me tell you

what you can tell the Dragon.

(SPEAKING CHINESE)

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