As Cool as I Am Page #5

- No, dad!

Some skanky guy, Scott, and I had to!

He was gonna beat up

Kenny if I didn't...

- Scott! Scott who?

- Dad, it was nothing.

It was just stupid

playground stuff and he...

All right... okay! Where was

the person formerly known as

your mother when all this kissing

and driving was going on?

Dad! She was going to be late so

- I had to drop her off...

- Late? Late for what?

- Good morning.

- Lainee... what the

hell is going on?

I don't know what I was

thinking, Chuck.

- I just...

- Mom, I told him about the job.

A job?

What do I need... Do you want

me to send more money?

Are you having trouble

paying the bills?

It's something to do, Chuck!

It gets really lonely.

What exactly do you

picture me doing

when you're gone?

I picture you raising

our daughter.

I have been raising our daughter

by myself for nearly 16 years.

Kenny?

- Lucy.

- I'm freezing. Move over.

Sorry. I'm sorry.

Lucy!

- You know I love you, don't you?

- That was sex, Kenny. Not love.

- Lucy, I'm serious.

- I gotta go!

Hello? Lucy?

Kenny?

PLANNED PARENTHOOD

Lucy! You got company.

There was a really bad famine

in the 3rd century.

And this butcher lured 3 little boys

into the shop,

murdered them, and soaked

them in a barrel of brine.

- That must have been, like, a huge barrel.

- Well, he chopped 'em up!

He was gonna sell 'em as hams.

But then Saint Nicholas...

brought the little boys back to life.

Saint Nich-- like

"Santa Claus" Saint Nicholas?

Yeah, a lot of people don't

know that about him.

I didn't. So what, then they were like

little boy zombies or something?

Well, you really didn't believe

in Santa elves, did you?

No I didn't,

- No... no, you gotta...

- I guess not, yeah.

- Hi.

- Hey.

Hey, I thought we should

get a head start on our homework

so it's not hanging

over our head all weekend.

- Yeah... um, there's cookies inside.

- Yeah.

So, there's a pill you can take

to keep from getting pregnant.

It's a emergency contraception plan B

pill. I got it at Planned Parenthood.

You went there?

So even in the spirit of Easter,

you're saying bringin'

people back from the dead

is not such a good thing.

Well, I mean if it's a

full on miracle with no

side effects like brain damage,

or motor control,

then yeah... it's a good thing but

I think the grey area

moralistically

is in the quality of life

after resuscitation.

Sure! Like if you smelled like pickles.

Right! See... that's no good,

you know.

- I got that!

- Homework?

- Hello!

- Chuck, this is Libby.

Oh... hey, how're you doing?

It's best to take the pill

before 72 hours from this morning.

I already took it.

I tell you what,

I've got a better idea.

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