As Cool as I Am

Synopsis: Sixteen-year-old Lucy is a tomboy. She gets on well with her father but is frequently separated from him for months on end when he goes to work in Canada. Her relationship with her mother is easy-going and she takes care of most things around the house. She tunes into her sexuality and her not so 'stable' family dynamics. She develops a relationship with her best friend Kenny and starts to realize that her parents' marriage is not as solid as she had previously imagined. She notices that her father's extended stays away from the family are not typical, and that her mother does not pine for her father as much as she herself does.
Genre: Comedy, Drama
Director(s): Max Mayer
Production: As Cool Inc.
Rotten Tomatoes:
92 min

Everybody has two families:

The stable family,

we pretend to have

and then there's the real people

we are related to.

My best friend Kenny says stable

families make boring children.

And by stable families, I think

he means the kind where mom,

and dad and kids all live in

the same house all the time.

And by boring,

he means not as cool as we are.

Still and undisputed,

universal masters of the jungle gym!

I'm getting too old for the

super sonic death spiral.

Lucy, play is the great educator.

Alright, it's sole

purpose is to prepare

juvenile animals for adulthood.

It's not play if you puke

your guts out.

Hey, when'd you say your

dad's gonna be home?

I guess I'll see you in a week then.

Hey, I'm not going to ditch you

just 'cause my dad's home.

Lucy. It's fine... just go.

- It's fine... I'm cool here.

- Yeah?

- You go!

- Okay!

Mom says she fell in love

with dad because he was fun

and goofy and everything felt

bigger when he is around.

And he's still that way.

Except since dad's a lumberjack, he's

only home four or five times a year.

When dad's here,

we stop everything.

Mom stays home, I skip school,

it's like a vacation.

I don't know when

I first started to notice

the argument my parents

weren't having.

Hey, let's go out for breakfast.

I'm not a kid anymore.

It won't help.

Yeah, you are. And yeah, it will...

Come on!

- We're lucky your dad has a job.

- You always say that.

We're all doing the best we can.

Is lying to dad about your

job doing the best we can?

He's out there working his butt off to

support us. It would hurt his feelings.

So, should I lie to you about what

I'm doing to protect your feelings?

I'm surprised you don't

do it more already.

I would. If I did anything interesting

enough to actually lie about.

Don't worry honey, you will!

Just give it time.

Mom pretends she doesn't have

a job when dad's here.

She says it's because dad's kind of

old school about family roles.

If you ask me,

it's kind of lame that her

secret identity is

being a telemarketer.


- Mom? What?

- Straight home.

I don't even have my license yet.

Oh! You're a natural! I mean, think

of all the kids you know with licenses,

are any of them more capable

than you? It'll be fun.

Well, wait! How are you going to get home?

If I can't find a ride in this

outfit, I deserve to walk.

So you're saying she isn't that great?

No, Scott! I'm saying you

don't have to say out loud

each random thought

that you have.

I bet you she's really great.

You can always tell

the ones that are gonna

be dirty, freaky sluts.

Oh yeah... Juicy Lucy.

Ooh... you like that. Ooh yeah!

- Huh?

- Yeah!

Ooh... yeah.

- Sorry.

- You're dead, Kenny.

You're... you're totally dead.

- You're deader than death!

- Hey!

- Hey!

- You're gonna wish you were dead!

I saw your dad leave this morning.

I'll tear your guts out and

feed 'em to the rats!

I'll rip your head off and

piss down the hole!

I'll bet if he did manually

decapitate you,

and position your body in just

the right angle,

- I'll bet he still couldn't

- You're gonna wish you were dead.

get a stream of urine going.

- Yuck it up, dead boy.

- Hey Scott, what if I kissed you?

For real! Would you leave Kenny alone?

- Yeah.

- Lucy, what are you doing?

Lucy. Oh, come on... Lucy.

So you promise you won't hurt Kenny?

You're a terrible kisser.

What the hell? Who would want

to get with you anyway.

We believe you are our

greatest resource,

and so to that end we plan

to invest in you.

I'm happy to introduce to you

one of the top telemarketing

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    "As Cool as I Am" STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Web. 15 Jun 2021. <>.

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