Ali G Indahouse Page #4

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# I can go away for a minute

# Do some other sh*t

but bounce right back... #

(Disappointed groan)

Grow, Biggie, grow.

I has gotta get a semi lob-on.

Jennifer Lopez, Jennifer Lopez.

Jennifer Lopez lezzing off with the

big-thighed one in Destiny's Child.

Look here now!

Look at my massive beast!

(All screaming)

You filthy animal!

(lrish accent)

Oh, Shep, this rail is very dirty.

It's going to need

a lot of polishing.

(Moaning)

PhD in economics,

three years at Harvard, age 34...

Swan? Is there any reason

why there should be

an absurdly dressed,

half-naked man chained to a fence

being tossed off

by an old, blind council worker?

(Ali moaning)

Ignore him. It's the local idiot

making some pathetic protest.

Unchain him and bring him in here.

- But I'm trying to...

- Bring him in, Swan.

Straight ahead

at the top of the stairs.

# Freak me, baby

# Yeah, just like that

# Freak me, baby

# Come on, come on

# Freak me, baby

# Let me lick you up and down

# Till you say stop

# Let me play with your body, baby

# Make you real hot #

# Let me do all the tings

you want me to do

# Cos tonight, baby,

I wanna get freaky with you #

I'm Kate Hedges, the Deputy

Prime Minister's secretary.

Come in

and you can pull your pants up now.

Hello, I'm David Carlton,

the Deputy Prime Minister.

Hello.

I is Ali G, the dominating MC.

Making b*tches touch their punani.

- The number after two, it be...

- Three.

Not Ali A, not Ali B,

not Ali C, not Ali D,

not Ali...

E...

not Ali...

(Hums alphabet song)

F...

- but Ali...

- G.

Bo! Your rhymes is tight

for a honkey, yes, sir.

That's his full name and address.

Tell me, Ali, do you have a job?

I is recently gone on the dole.

- When?

- Eight years and three months ago.

It says here you claim disability.

Are you...?

Yes, I is actually spasticated.

I is got a terrible DJing injury

and still ain't got full mobility

in me mixing finger.

Fok-chickety-fok-fok-fresh. Ow.

Everything down there

is still working. Oh, yes. Yes.

Ali, erm... would you sit down?

Please, sit down.

- Would you ever become an MP?

- What for? It's full of pricks.

That's a little harsh.

I'm an MP, am I a prick?

- Yes.

- Let's try a different angle.

Is there nothing

you'd like to change?

Me'd wanna save the John Nike

Leisure Centre, obviously.

As the MP for Staines,

you could achieve that.

Would you stand in this by-election?

Me gotta be honest,

me ain't actually bi.

- Well...

- I mean,

obviously I done it with two girls.

Well, I seen it on the internet.

But me would never feel completely

comfortable being bummed by a man.

A lot of people say never say ever

but me feel strongly that me

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