Ali G Indahouse Page #5

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exit hole should stay me exit hole

and never become me entry hole,

you know what I is saying?

Yes, yes.

Well, it's been

a pleasure meeting you.

David.

Later, sweetheart.

(Kate) David?

What are you doing? He was

the biggest idiot I have ever met.

- Choose him and we'll never win.

- I know.

There'll be a leadership crisis.

The PM will be out.

And who could possibly replace him?

Ali has two weeks

to lose us 18,000 votes.

Let's get him on the campaign trail.

(# Thumping hip-hop)

Easy, rude boy. Me name be Ali G

and me is here representing Staines.

Can me count on your vote?

- Definitely not.

- Hairy muff.

Seeing as I is here,

could me interest you in

a quarter of Moroccan black?

It's well good sh*t!

Dave, it's your turn

to sh*t through the letterbox.

Our anti-bullying programme

has won lots of praise.

Instances of bullying in

this school are at an all-time low.

Jonathan used to suffer terribly

from bullies.

I ain't surprised. Look at him.

Hey, fatty bum bum. Hey, fatty bum

bum. Want another cream cake?

Boiiing! Boiiing! Boiiing!

(Laughs)

He is well fat, though.

All you mothefuckers,

f***-f***-f*** f***ers!

Vote for the G, the mothefuckin' G.

Me, the mothefuckin' G.

All the b*tches in the house say yo.

Vote for me

cos me know what you lezzers want.

I is a big supporter of your cause

and I is got many of your videos.

If you vote for me, me give you me

pledge to lower taxes on strap-ons.

(Jeering)

Why is you getting so eggy?

Is you all on?

Ladies and gentlemen, to commemorate

the town hall extension,

we're asking all the candidates

to lay down a brick.

Ali, would you lay one for us now?

- What, here?

- We would be honoured.

- In front of everyone?

- Yes.

(Groans of disgust)

Not bad.

This is absolutely vital.

with one day to go

we are eight points behind.

Listen. Did you get the manifesto

that I sent to you?

- You got a roach?

- Er... For real.

(# Reggae)

- You got another roach?

- Yeah, for real.

(Ali) Yeah.

(Ricky) Wicked.

Yes. It was very helpful.

Come with me.

Good luck. Don't hold back.

(# News theme)

In the most crucial by-election

of the past decade,

we're joined by ex-Environment

Secretary David Griffiths

and newcomer Ali G.

This debate will help you

make up your mind.

Ali, if elected,

what would you do for Staines?

Me'd save

the John Nike Leisure Centre.

You can't mean your sole policy

is to save a centre that's barely

used and a terrible drain on funds?

What are your other policies?

- My other policies?

- Yes, you must have some.

Well...

I think it is well important

to reduce inflay-tee-on

and also to invest in the nehuss.

(Ali) The nahuss.

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