A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum Page #4

My final offering:

Gymnasia, the silent woman.

A giant stage upon which

a thousand dramas may be played.

You can speak with her?

Whilst a child I had a nurse

from the Isle of Silent Women.

- May I have my foot back?

- "(Pseudolus)" You poor child.

- Pseudolus!

- Yes, darling?

Do you want your freedom?

- More than ever. Ill take her.

- Thats not the one.

But yours isnt here.

Its not nice to walk out without buying...

I want my...

If you must squabble, do it

in a place of less character.

I know your type: shoppers.

Please dont touch the merchandise.

It shows every mark.

Courtesans, back to your quarters.

Ill be back for noonday prayers.

Move. Do you mind? Out!

Please, quickly, out. Both of you, go.

- Quickly, out. Out.

- "(Hero)" There she is!

One moment. Did I not just spy a golden

head with sky-blue eyes on yon balcony?

Oh, that one.

A recent arrival from Crete. A virgin.

- A virgin.

- Is that good?

- "(Lycus)" Only today she was sold.

- Sold?

Then receive, O bosom, thy fatal blade.

Behave yourself.

She was sold?

Yes. To the agents of a Roman captain.

He claims her this very day.

- Today!

- She cost 500 minae.

- Then receive, O bosom, thy...

- Put your bosom away.

- You say she just arrived from Crete?

- Yes.

I hope the captain is kind to her.

She deserves a bit of affection before...

- Tragic, is it not?

- What? Whats tragic?

- The news from Crete.

- What news?

Why should I darken your day?

Farewell, Lycus.

- What is the news?

- What news?

- The news from Crete?

- You force me to tell you.

Crete is being ravaged by a plague.

People are dying by the thousands.

This girl is healthy.

She smiles through the day.

I thought you knew -

when they smile, the end is near.

- No.

- Yes.

Im told it is lovely now in Crete -

everyone lying there, smiling.

Is it... is it contagious?

- You ever see a plague that wasnt?

- What about my other girls?

Youd best get her out of here.

- Yes. But where? How?

- Ill take her before the captain arrives.

Capital! Ill go fetch her.

Why should "you" risk...?

Because Ive already had the plague.

I would tell you all about it, but...

No. Ill go fetch her. Dont go away.

Pseudolus, Im to be with her!

- Until the captain arrives this forenoon.

- Yes.

- Wait.

- Yes?

- A brilliant idea.

- Yes!

Thats what we need, a brilliant idea.

Go, go! Get a move on.

No, dont touch that pillar. Go, go.

Mind your breathing - just inhale. Go, go.

Pseudolus, how kind you are.

I shall not forget this.

Someday I shall repay you,

for you, Pseudolus, are a true friend.

And you, Lycus,

are a gentleman and a procurer.

Psst!

To the garden, and break the news

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