What Happens In Vegas... Page #4

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I saved a baby today.

I'm not a hero, though.

- You know what I mean? I'm not a...

- He's married.

This is my lesbian sister.

Tell her about your softball game.

Tell her about your softball team.

What do you say we bet 10-to-1,

with $125 on the hard eight?

- Bets are right there.

- All right. Roll them out.

No, no, no, no, no. I wouldn't...

I wouldn't bet on me winning.

You roll, princess.

All right. Go, 44! 44!

This is my party trick. Here it goes.

What are you gonna do?

Are you going to cut...

You know, you were right about me.

You just cut it off!

It's like you're trying to come in first

but it's somebody else's race.

- It's like Egypt!

- It's amazing!

You never felt good enough,

so you took yourself out of the game.

To everyone who's ever been dumped

and to everyone who has ever been fired,

when I say, "Screw!" you say, "You!"

- Screw!

- You!

- Screw!

- You!

Yes!

I think I just got to the point

where I wasn't even trying.

Why should you try?

I work 80 hours a week

and I don't even know why.

I've been so naughty!

Out of my way! Out of my way!

I'm not usually this honest.

I'm usually not this fun.

The best part is...

- We can really talk.

- Really connect.

Yeah, 'cause you're like the last person

on the planet I'd ever sleep with!

Ever! Ever! Ever!

This is gonna be fun!

Oh, God. Please be fake. Please be fake.

Oh, God.

No, no, please, please, please!

Oh, please, please, no!

You can't get divorced here, okay?

You gotta do it where you live.

Besides, you don't want a divorce,

all right? You want an annulment.

See, what happens in Vegas, you pay for

when you get back home.

That's what the thing is.

Was there any part of the night,

I don't know, maybe, say, the part where

I was about to marry the rebound guy,

that you thought, "Hey, oh my God!

"This is a really good time

for an intervention"?

- Seriously?

- Yeah.

I, like, threw up in my own purse, so...

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

- Hi!

- Good morning.

- Morning.

- Good morning.

Morning, morning, morning.

I could use some coffee.

Oh, God, yeah.

Well, what's mine is yours.

Here, well, you want to, uh...

Mi coffee es su coffee.

- This is good orange juice.

- Yeah. It's very good.

It's ridiculously good.

The orange juice is good.

- I don't usually like pulp. You a fan?

- Not really.

- Jack?

- Yes.

- Can I talk to you for a second?

- Yep.

Yes. Yep. Talk. Sure.

They're so cute together!

If I could make someone dead

with my mind, it would be you.

- Yo.

- Hey.

So!

- Great night, huh?

- Yeah!

I mean, you are a lot of fun, Joy.

- I am?

- Yeah!

A lot of fun. That... I mean, last night was

so

great.

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