Visit to a Small Planet Page #3

Why not review your smoking habits.

Wait, I'm busy thinking.

Do it now.

Yes, sir.

But first... relax.

Get comfortable.

Do you mind if I sit down?

Sit down.

Thank you, your very kind.

Now then, before you light up...

Oh, sorry.

Inspect the filter

at the end of your smoke.

Look inside... look closely.

What do you see?

Tobacco, what would you see?

Inspect the tobacco.

Try a crumble test.

Crumble test?

Rub the tobacco between your hands.

Now, whiff it.

Wait, I'm still busy crumbling.

Whiff it!

Oh, yes sir.

Does it have that fresh deep down aroma?

Makes you stop and think, doesn't it..

It made me stop and sneeze.

So men just throw that old

smoke of yours away.

And try one of these.

Put it between your lips.

Close your eyes.

Now... light up.

Yes... light up... and live.

Light up and live.

Man. I'm going to be burned to death.

Damn Yankee.

His name is Kreton.

Why can't he walk over there?

Who is he anyway?

Some friend of the Mayberry's.

A nice young man.

Oh, confound it. I'm missing me.

This dog has gone nuts. Now scoot, jump.

For several years now

certain lunatics elements,

have proclaim the existence

of flying saucers.

I should like to nail the subject

down once and for all.

There ain't no such animal.

There is no life on other planets

capable of building spaceships

and to interject a purely American note,

no country in the world but ours,

has the industrial know

how to build such a ship.

Right.

Let me show you some recent photographs

of objects reported to be spaceships.

- Why, president Jefferson Davis.

- Number one.

Of all people, I can't tell you

how glad I am to meet you...

Oh, I'm awfully sorry, sir.

For what?

Number two.

Your left side-burn sir...

They, shot it off.

Number three.

- Quiet.

- I'm sorry?

I'm trying to listen.

Oh. I'll listen also sir.

And number four.

Optical illusions, every one of them.

Mass hysteria.

That's telling them, eh, boy.

Yes, sir. It's too bad, is full of hooey.

Hooey?

Oh well, I believe

that's the expression, sir..

Or is it eh, goofidust?

No, hooey! That's it. He is full of hooey.

There's no need for alarm. No need at all.

We shall return to Roger

Putnam Spelding, in a moment.

But first. Have you inspected

your filter lately.

Smoke Supurbo.

Superb tobacco superbly blended

a superb filter.

Mr. President, don't you listen to him.

He'll burn your whiskers off.

Oh, stop.

I mean it, sir. He did a job on me.

He burned my head and my face...

You think I'm full of hooey, eh?

Oh, no sir. I didn't say

you were full of hooey,

I said that... that... that...

Well... your not Jefferson Davis.

Your him that man on TV.

- That Roger Pelman Sputing.

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