Unhinged in Hollywood Page #4
- UNRATED
- Year:
- 2015
- 71 min
- 528 Views
Jeff:
You see, there you gave her the Heimlich.Walter:
Yeah, I know, I was drunk. I don't know what I was thinking. I was so close.Jeff:
Maybe you could do something simple, like watchinga movie together.
Walter:
Oh, no, every time we watch a movie, she falls asleep. And the next morning i have to drive back to the theater to pick her up and bring her home.Jeff:
Have you done anything fun in town here this week?Walter:
You know I don't like getting out.Jeff:
Oh, you're a little bit of a hypochondriac.Walter:
Yeah.Jeff:
Why don't you wear one of those paper masks?Walter:
Why, it's paper, it can't stop anything. I mean hell, the Constitution is paper, and it's never stopped our current administration.(AUDIENCE CHEERING AND APPLAUDING)
Walter:
Just trying to get a read on the crowd tonight.Jeff:
So I take it you're not exactly happy with our government right now?Walter:
Are you kidding me? Congress's approval rating is at 12%. Jock itch has a higher rating than that.Jeff:
So you paying attention to the presidential candidates?Walter:
Oh, yeah.Jeff:
How would you feel about a female president?Walter:
Oh! Fine with me. Just whoever it is, make sure it's after she hits menopause.Jeff:
Walter.Walter:
What? I was there when my wife went through it.If she had been President then, holy crap! "I'm hot, I'm cold, I'm sweaty! I'm clammy! **** you, Russia. Launch the missiles!"
Jeff:
I'm sorry. You realize you just offended about half the room here?Walter:
Yeah, and the other half is trying not to look at their wives and going, "Yeah, he's got a point."Jeff:
So, you told me you've been getting on the computer a lot lately.Walter:
Oh, yeah. I've been getting on Facebook.Jeff:
(LAUGHS)Walter:
What?Jeff:
You get on Facebook?Walter:
YeahJeff:
What do you do on Facebook?Walter:
I like getting on there and de-friending everybody possible.Jeff:
Why?Walter:
Just so they'll wonder what the hell they did wrong. It's funny as hell.Jeff:
That's not nice.Walter:
I know. If it was nice, it wouldn't be funny as hell.I did actually lose a friend on Facebook the other day
without de-friending him.
Jeff:
How's that?Walter:
Well, an old buddy of mine posted that his wife died.Jeff:
Oh.Walter:
I clicked "like ".(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
Walter:
Then I posted, "Mine's still alive. Sad face."Jeff:
So you're getting into social networking?Walter:
Yeah, a little bit. You know what I don't understand is why young couples today keep nude photos of themselves on their phones and then text them to each other. What the hell? When I was young and dating my wife, I never thought, "She's so beautiful. "I'm going to marry her. But first I'm going to send her "this picture of my balls. "
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"Unhinged in Hollywood" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 26 May 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/unhinged_in_hollywood_22582>.
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