Tig Notaro: Boyish Girl Interrupted Page #4

Too many puns

eventually becomes

a "boar"

and I don't wanna--

don't shake your head

at me.

I will reimburse you.

I am sorry.

I'm originally

from Mississippi.

- Man:
Whoo!

- Um...

( audience laughs )

Settle down, everyone.

I'm originally

from Mississippi

and, um, my fiance

- is, um...

- ( audience cheering )

Thank you. Um...

- He is from...

- ( audience laughs )

Okay.

She was raised

in Los Angeles

and New York

and I invited her

back to Mississippi

to spend the holidays

with me and my extended

family.

And before the trip,

she said, um,

"No offense, but..."

And I said, "Yes,

what is this flattering thing

you're about to say?"

She said, "When I picture

people from Mississippi,

I picture them barefoot."

Thank you.

And I said,

"Okay, I get it, but, um,

my family is civilized.

They have homes

and jobs

and shoes,

but I hear ya."

So I was down there

hanging out before she arrived,

and when you fly in

to visit my town,

you fly in

to the New Orleans airport.

And all 11

of my family members

piled into a van

to drive into

the French Quarter

to hang out,

wait until she arrived.

And I finally was like,

"Oh, yeah, she's gonna be

landing soon.

We gotta go."

All 11 of them

piled back into the van

with their beers--

I don't know if you know,

but it is legal down there

to have open containers

in vehicles.

They all get in.

They also brought

a cooler

iced down

with extra beer

just for the drive

to the airport.

I offered to be

the sober driver,

not that anybody

in my family cared

either way.

They were just like,

"Okay, nerd."

So we pull up curbside

at baggage claim

and I get out and say,

"I will be right back."

I go in, I find her.

We're walking out

chatting.

She looks up...

and she said,

"Is that your family?"

I look up

and all 11 of them

have gotten out

of the van.

They're smoking

and drinking,

they're waving wildly,

so excited to meet her.

They've pulled the cooler

out onto the sidewalk.

And they were barefoot.

After walking around

the French Quarter all day,

they took their shoes off

on the drive to get her.

So there I was...

...having to say,

"Yes,

that is

my civilized family...

...that I told you about.

There they are

in all of their glory."

So we have the holidays,

Christmas, whatever,

she and I are driving

out of town together

and, uh,

I asked her if, uh--

a couple years ago

my mother passed away

and we buried her

in our hometown in Mississippi

and I asked if we could

go visit her grave.

And she said of course.

And just to back up

a little more,

when my stepfather and I

were driving away

from the funeral,

he told me,

"When your mother died,

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