Tig Notaro: Boyish Girl Interrupted Page #3

and you don't see that woman

off in the distance.

It's like she was never

a part of this.

The second he pressed play,

the only thing

that you see...

is a boat of a car

driving past us

and a man turning...

and you hear me

earnestly...

yell, "Oh, my God,

it's Santa Claus!"

And you see my hand

just dart up into the video.

And then you hear my friend,

a full-grown man,

yell, "Oh, my God,

do you think he'll talk

to us?"

And then it just

shuts out.

If anybody came across

that video footage

with zero backstory,

it truly appears

as though two

full-grown buffoons...

thought that they

saw Santa Claus.

And what is my friend's history

with Santa Claus...

that his response...

would be,

"Oh, my God, do you think

he'll talk to us?"

Just an entire lifetime

of him running up to Santa

only to be met with...

But Santa--

I love everybody's

little laugh noises.

My favorite laugh noise

is, um, the sigh

after the laugh.

The...

( sighs )

( laughs )

( sighs )

'Cause it's like

you're reminiscing

about one second ago.

( laughs )

( sighs )

Remember one second ago?

( sighs )

Yeah, that was

a good time.

Yeah.

My other favorite

laugh noise

is the pig snort.

You know, when somebody

is just really enjoying

themselves.

and then...

( snorts )

Because I'm always curious,

is that something

they decided to do?

Like a calculated decision.

Or are they

just as surprised

as we are...

...when a pig snort

flies out of their face?

I like to think

it's the other option

where they're just like,

"You know what?

I have been laughing...

and smiling...

and clapping

all night,

but I still feel

like she doesn't get...

how much I get her.

Think I'm gonna go ahead

and snort like a pig.

Yeah, this, uh--

this story she's telling,

this is actually

one of my favorites

I was telling--

oh, hold on one second."

( snorts )

"Love your stuff."

( snorts )

My dream situation

is actually the--

at the end of the night

when the lights go on

that there is an actual pig

in the audience.

Just out on the town,

pantless,

clanking its little

cloven hooves together.

Sitting on

its little curlicue.

Comes up to me

at the end of the night,

"Hey, um, that was me."

I, uh-- I can't laugh,

so I snort.

Sure, I can talk...

but I wanted to say

I really liked that part

earlier

when you were talking

about having little pigs

on your pants.

Anyway,

I don't wanna keep you,

I just-- I really

just wanted to say...

I just wanted to say

pig fan, pig fan.

Boston, that's

a terrible joke.

I'm sorry.

( laughs )

Sorry, I'm just up here

being a ham

and I-- I'm sor--

that's too much,

you're right.

( chuckles )

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