Think Like A Man Page #5

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No, actually, I'm nearsighted.

Besides, I mean, how could I forget

my teenage crush?

I used to look at you walk down the hallway

and just fall into your smile.

I'm rambling, I do that when I get nervous.

Next in line.

Well, it was nice meeting, I mean, seeing you.

It's nice finally being seen.

Next in line, please.

Candace?

Could we go grab a cup of coffee

or something?

We could maybe catch up

on old times we never had.

I can't, actually. I have to pick up my...

- Husband?

- No...

- You got a boyfriend?

- No, I have a son.

Well, how about dinner?

Yeah.

- I finally get it.

- Get what?

Getting Jeremy to propose

is like getting Jeremy to paint the kitchen

or put the toilet seat down.

It's not gonna happen until I require him to.

And I haven't required him

to do a damn thing.

You know we still go halfsies on everything?

- I thought that was your idea.

- Yeah, in college.

He was work study and I felt sorry for him.

And I am still paying for it, to this day.

Hey, I'm Kristen.

- Hi, welcome.

- Welcome, please sign in.

- Congratulations.

- Thank you. Six months.

Yeah, and we can't wait.

Thank you.

Here, come on.

- Watch your step.

- See, that is a man with a plan.

He knows what he wants,

he knows what he has.

I sell beautiful homes for a living

and we live in a frat house for the boys.

Last Valentine's Day, the boys were there.

So, you're saying, you're...

My God, I'm one of the boys,

except I have a vagina!

I swear to God, Frodo Baggins had it easier.

- I'm sorry, who?

- Frodo, from The Hobbit.

I don't do hobbits.

Right, no, me neither. That's so lame.

Jeremy had a chess set.

It's totally stupid.

Okay, so what are you gonna do?

You're gonna trick him

into giving you a ring?

I'm not gonna trick him.

I'm going to require him.

It's been nine years.

So, what makes you think

it's gonna change now?

I've got some new information.

Oh, you do?

Yeah, because Steve says

"Don't hate the Player..."

Change the game.

It's your shot. Wait!

You gotta raise your left leg.

H-O, you're a ho.

Really? I'm a ho?

I've been with the same woman

for nine years.

I'm the Stedman Graham of relationships,

all right?

Bro, I'm not saying ho like "whore."

I'm saying ho, like punk b*tch

that's been henpecked,

so he ain't got no more nuts,

'cause his girl runs the house.

- Speaking of which, how's Kristen?

- She's incredible.

We were up till 2:00 a.m.

playing Call ofDuty last night. She loved it.

She does it... She does it for you.

I know my woman, okay? Fantasy?

Science fiction? Action figures?

- All the stuff I love, she loves, too.

- No, she does that sh*t

for you, trust me.

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