The Ugly Truth: The Art of Laughter - A Making of Hilarious Proportions Page #4

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You don't even know him?

Oh, whoa, okay,

now I get the picture.

Hold on. Oh, you're a dog.

What?

Well, you must be.

Come on, you heard me.

I mean, if you were...

If you were hot,

you would be out

breaking some poor

schmuck's heart

instead of spending

all your time fantasizing

about Mr. Wonderful.

Face it, you're ugly.

I am not ugly.

Well, okay,

let me help you out here.

You might as well face the fact

that you're gonna be alone,

and stop pining away

for some fantasy guy

you're never gonna get.

- How can you possibly...?

- Hey, Lassie.

The show's called

The Ugly Truth.

If you can't face it,

don't call.

That about

wraps it up for this evening.

I'm Mike Chadway reminding you

that the truth is never pretty.

JOY:

How'd the date go?

Well, I was very pleased

with the choice of restaurant.

- That is so awesome.

- Why?

[STUART]:

Good morning, everyone.

[ALL]:

Morning.

Now, before I play you this,

I should warn you,

this guy's a little rough

around the edges.

Face it, you're ugly.

[ABBY]:

I am not ugly.

- [MIKE]:
Well...

- Why are we watching this?

Say hello to

our new guest commentator.

I'm starting him off at

two segments a week,

three minutes a pop.

- Are you kidding me?

- Who the hell is this guy?

- Name's Mike Chadway.

- [ABBY]:
He's an uber-moron

misogynist who represents

everything that is wrong

with television and society.

I get crap every time

I suggest we do something

even remotely fluffy.

Oh, come on.

He's got a point of view.

We don't have to like it.

I mean, we're newspeople.

We're objective.

Stone Phillips interviews

terrorists.

Doesn't mean he likes them,

he does it for the ratings.

I have a whole list of ideas

to improve ratings.

You're gonna like it.

We don't need him.

- We don't need him.

- Not at all.

"An intimate profile

of the mayor".

- Yes.

- [GEORGIA]:
I like that.

- I like the mayor.

- Fantastic.

The mayor?

Yes. It can be edgy

and yet intriguing.

Unless you can get him to bang

three crack whores

and a German shepherd

on live TV,

no one's gonna give a sh*t.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I was eavesdropping

out in the hall.

[LAUGHING]

What did I tell you?

Isn't this guy great?

Oh, thanks, boss.

You already hired him?

Who's this

delightful creature?

I'm your producer.

Oh. Hey.

I like a woman on top.

[GEORGIA]:

Ugh. God.

- Nice office.

- Ha-ha! He's just kidding.

- Oh, yeah.

- Excuse me.

- Hey, Mike, you see your office?

- No, I didn't.

- Come on. Let me show you.

- Beautiful.

Everybody take five.

I'll be right back.

Were you all not there

last year...

for our

sexual-harassment meeting?

- Yes. Were you not there, Larry?

- He needs to go.

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