The To Do List Page #4

I think I should talk to her.

No. No talk.

Your talks do more harm than good.

What's that supposed to mean?

It means, you had a talk with Amber

and look how that turned out.

You put her on the pill

when she was 15...

And she's been dating,

pardon my French, jerks ever since.

- And now she's gonna marry one.

- You can't blame chip on me.

Anyway, what do you expect, Brandy's

gonna wait till her wedding night?

It worked for you.

Let's see.

I lost my virginity when I was 15.

- Fifteen?

- No, actually 14, with francois.

Our exchange student?

But he was so rude.

He always played his stereo too loud.

He never let me in his roo... touche.

He had a big dick. Yeah, francois,

you know, sex wasn't that bad...

But it didn't get good

until sophomore year.

College, okay, that makes sense.

You're more mature...

High school. By then, the guys had cars.

We would park at beaver creek.

Do people still do that,

go to beaver creek to f***?

- How would I know?

- Oh, sh*t, right. Virgin.

Man, it feels good to finally be smarter

at something than my kid sister.

Loser. Seriously, you wanna pop

that cherry before you get to college.

Before? Why?

Okay, how can I put this in terms

a mathlete understands?

- Yes, in terms a mathlete understands.

- I'm f***ing trying, okay?

Freshman year is like

one big sexual pop quiz.

- You need to do your homework.

- Homework?

Yeah. God, it's crazy, freshman year.

I f***ed my r.A. The first week.

- Wonder what she's up to.

- It was a girl?

Yeah.

Oh, my God,

I have a lot of work to do.

Let's do this.

Okay, Amber...

Let's see what you got.

Titty... f-word.

"Motorboating."

Uncle Andy has a boat.

That should be easy.

"Teabagging." Must be British.

"Shocker:
One who shocks."

Maybe it's some kind of surprise.

"Hand job, blowj*b, rim job."

Why so many jobs?

What's a rim job anyway?

Come on, rim job. Not listed.

Guess I will have to ask

the librarian on that one.

And finally, sexual intercourse...

With rusty waters.

Well, let's get to work, vagina.

Here you go.

Have a good day. Bye-bye.

Hello. Welcome to big bun.

May I help you?

I decided to lose my virginity

to rusty waters.

- You want fries with that?

- No.

- "Finger-banged, sixty-nine"?

- "Titty f***, blowj*b."

- I had no idea that you could be so...

- Sophisticated?

Slutty. There are things on this list

that I haven't even done, Brandy.

This is awesome.

So you're gonna scam on other guys

and then hook up with rusty?

No offense, but how? You said yourself

he's out of your league.

- I never said that.

- I did.

Okay, yes, he's out of my league now...

But not once I learn

how to pearl-necklace him.

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