The To Do List Page #2
Yeah, you're not who I was looking for.
Nice to meet you.
Why am I so stupid?
What was I thinking?
That it tastes better on the way down
than it does coming up? Jesus.
- Your vomit's the color of Kermit the frog.
- Why did I say that?
Why didn't I just keep
kissing him back?
Excuse me?
Who the f*** did you kiss?
- Whom.
- Whom the f*** did you kiss, Brandy?
- Whom the f*** did you kiss, Brandy?
- Brandy.
- Whom the f*** did you kiss?
- Rusty waters.
- What? No.
- Shut up.
- Are you serious?
- I've never felt that way before.
What, horny?
Yeah, welcome to puberty, man.
No.
Like nervous.
Like I didn't know what to do.
I always know what to do. Always.
So you're saying
that you kissed rusty waters...
But you didn't put out?
Are you crazy?
- Or a lesbian.
- No.
I wanted to put it out.
I didn't know how.
What do you mean you didn't know how?
He kisses you, you just kiss him back.
I mean, it's not that hard.
Unless you're good at it,
and then it is hard. Do you get it?
- Wendy.
- I mean his dick.
Guys, this is serious.
The last time I frenched
was with Jason swan in ninth grade.
We had to end our relationship because
it interfered with student-council duties.
You could've gone all the way
if you didn't lose your sh*t.
Can you imagine losing your v card
to a college guy?
- No premature ejaculation.
- He'd hit your g spot.
Yeah, you'd probably come
like three times.
Come where?
- That's an orgasm.
- Really?
You think if I'd been ready
and wanted to and not so drunk...
Had protection and maybe a cute bra,
we could've...?
F***ed?
Yeah. Totally.
You blew, like, a major opportunity.
I mean, there's nothing wrong with being
a late bloomer, pancake...
But let's face it,
you're not getting any younger.
- I kissed his nipple.
- What?
- That's okay.
- But I don't know why.
Hey, could you get me a coffee?
You smell like patchouli.
Good morning. Why is chip
shaving his legs in the bathroom?
Because he Mountain bikes, duh.
- Chip spent the night, sweetheart.
- Chip did what?
He spent the night.
He's going off on some big fishing trip.
- They won't see each other all summer.
- He's following phish, as in the band.
You gave Amber permission
to have a boy sleep over?
- He's a man.
- In her bed?
Not a boy, it's her fiance. Where else am
I gonna have him sleep, on the couch?
- Why the heck not?
- How was your little church party?
I wouldn't know.
Fiona and Wendy took me to a kegger.
I got drunk and puked my brains out.
You should probably ground me.
Mom, do we have ginger ale?
- Let me see, honey.
- Dumb-ass.
Are you still drunk?
Don't tell them that.
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"The To Do List" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 28 Apr. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/the_to_do_list_21486>.
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