The Sitter Page #5

Did you just call me

your boyfriend?

Yeah, I guess I did.

So are you coming or not?

Hello? Are you there?

Yeah. F*** it. I'm in.

Holy sh*t balls.

A minivan.

That car's not hot at all.

As much as I hate to do this,

we're going on

a little field trip.

What is your deal?

Why are you wearing so much makeup?

Looking real fly

on my way to the club

Gonna dance all night

and get f***ed up

Say whatever you want.

I know I look good.

All right, one of you guys

has to hop up here with me.

I'm not your chauffeur.

What if you hit

somebody or something?

I mean, it's safer for children

to be in the back seat.

You are such a b*tch.

Grow a set of nuts.

I beat him for you.

Get his ass.

Guys.

Not again.

Stop being such children.

Hit him in the face, dawg!

Go away.

Stop it.

One thing about Rodrigo.

He's not a b*tch,

I'll tell you that much.

Slater, seriously,

tell me you are not

wearing a fanny pack.

Tell me I'm imagining that and

that's not what I'm actually seeing.

I need it to carry my pills.

Why do you take

those pills anyway?

I already told you,

I have issues.

Issues?

You look like a Gap model!

When I was your age,

I had a mouth full of braces

and a face like

a Papa John's pizza.

Those are real issues, my man.

Whatever.

I've got a good idea.

Why don't we go to a dance club?

Why don't we play a game?

Like Spin the Bottle?

No, not like Spin the Bottle,

like a little game I invented

called the Shut-the-F***-Up Game.

First person not to shut the

f*** up loses. Ready? Go.

Come on, Rodrigo,

you just lost, buddy.

It was not me.

Slater, that's disgusting.

Didn't your parents teach

you not to fart in the car?

You just crop-dusted me.

No, that was not me.

Uh-oh.

What's "uh-oh"?

It was me. I pooted.

I don't think it

was just a poot-poot.

I sharted.

Come on!

When you're shopping

It's super-cool

Hey, Noah. Oh, my God,

isn't this shirt so cute?

Oh, it's super-cute!

Can you get it for me?

Yeah! Of course.

I'll get you anything you want

Seriously?

No.

Here, put these on.

They're green.

I wouldn't be caught dead in these.

Don't sh*t your

pants next time.

Dressing room's over there.

Clean up, or whatever.

Can I help you, sir?

Huh?

Can I help you?

I'm just waiting for somebody.

Yeah.

Yup!

No. I'm just waiting

for somebody.

That's pretty weird, considering

you're a grown-ass man

hanging out in the little

girls' underwear section.

Right. I could see

how that could be

misconstrued as strange,

or whatever.

Very.

They fit. Let's go.

There we go. There she is.

Excuse me, young lady,

do you know this person?

No.

Yeah.

Which is it?

He came into my house

and stole my mom's minivan.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes