The Sitter

Synopsis: Noah is not your typical entertain-the-kids-no-matter-how-boring-it-is kind of sitter. He's reluctant to take a sitting gig; he'd rather, well, be doing anything else, especially if it involves slacking. When Noah is watching the neighbor's kid he gets a booty call from his girlfriend in the city. To hook up with her, Noah takes to the streets, but his urban adventure spins out of control as he finds himself on the run from a maniacal drug lord.
Genre: Comedy
Director(s): David Gordon Green
Production: 20th Century Fox
  2 nominations.
 
IMDB:
5.7
Metacritic:
39
Rotten Tomatoes:
22%
R
Year:
2011
81 min
$30,200,000
Website
127 Views

Come inside, take off your coat

I'll make you feel at home

Now let's pour a glass of wine

'Cause now we're all alone

Oh, my God!

Girl you make me feel real good

That's right.

What's up?

Oh, my God.

My mom was so right.

Nice guys really do

eat the best pussy.

I'm not really sure how to

interpret that. Thank you?

Oh, my God.

How are you so good at that?

I'll let you in

on a trade secret.

I actually write a short story

with my tongue every time I do it.

It follows this young kid

who finds this

alien in the woods

with all these

Reese's Pieces and stuff.

And he learns that

aliens are just no different.

You just can

connect with anyone.

It's kind of like E.

T., only with a lot more going down on chicks.

Cool beans.

Yeah, cool beans.

Definitely. Cool little

frozen beans.

Yeah.

All right, so...

Thank you for coming.

Thank you.

Yeah, we should, uh...

We should probably...

Yeah, you should probably go.

Switch places.

What's that?

I figured...

Don't you have to go?

No, no, I just figured because

I made "mouth love" to you

that maybe you could return the favor.

What?

Maybe toss a BJ my way.

If you have time.

Um, my stomach is

super-iffy right now.

I think I got food poisoning.

Baby.

So I'm just in no condition

to blow you right now, Noah.

No, yeah, that's cool.

Okay.

Sorry. Next time, sweetie.

Are you sure you don't

want to come over tonight?

There's this thing called

a geomagnetic storm.

It's really cool

and rare, actually.

It's like

an astronomical explosion

in the sky of all

these beautiful colors.

Whoa!

Kind of like

Mother Nature's fireworks.

It happens, like, almost never.

Like I said,

I'm just not feeling good.

But thank you so much

for going down on me.

Oh, yeah. You're really good

at, um, getting going down on,

getting downed on,

so you should be proud

of that as well.

Okay, cool. You da man!

You da man.

Peace. You're

the best, sweetie.

Don't stop believing in

yourself, okay, Maris?

Uncle Ricky, could you

read us a bedtime story?

Please, huh, please?

Here we go

Once upon a time, not long ago

Where people wore pajamas

and lived life slow

Where laws were stern

and justice stood

And people were behavin'

like they ought to good

There lived a little boy

who was misled

By another little boy

and this is what he said

Me and you Tike,

we're gonna make some cash

Robbin' old folks

and makin' the dash

They did the job,

money came with ease

But one couldn't stop,

it's like he had a disease

He robbed another and another

and a sister and a brother

Tried to rob a man

who was a D. T. undercover

The cop grabbed his arm,

he started actin' erratic

He said, "Keep still boy,

no need for static"

Punched him in his belly

and gave him a slap

But little did he know,

the little boy was strapped

The kid pulled outta gun,

he said, "Why'd you hit me?"

The barrel was set straight

for the cop's kidney

Ran up the stairs

up to the top floor

Opened up a door,

there guess who he saw

Dave, the dope fiend

shootin' dope

Who don't know the meaning

of water nor soap?

He said, "I need bullets,

hurry up, run "

The dope fiend rolled back

a spankin' shot gun

This ain't funny,

so don't ya dare laugh

Just another case

about the wrong path

Straight and narrow

or your soul gets cast

Good night

Yo, Mom, what's up?

Noah!

Where were you?

Were you out with that girl again?

Yeah, but she's not

"that girl," okay?

We're in a relationship.

It's legit.

So have you started

looking for a job yet?

I can't afford to have you

sitting around all day.

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"The Sitter" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2019. Web. 6 Dec. 2019. <https://www.scripts.com/script/the_sitter_21322>.

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