The Sitter Page #3

Noah. That's your name?

Yeah.

That's a super-hot name.

What?

Honey, it's not hot.

It's just his name.

Mom, trust me.

It's a hot name.

It's actually biblical.

The Bible's a hot book.

Sometimes I like

to get dressed up

and wear my mom's makeup, Noah.

That's cool.

I was thinking

we could dress you up

like a princess.

No, I don't think, uh...

No, honey.

- Maybe not tonight.

- Mom!

Excuse me just one second.

Yeah, see you in a sec.

Hey, Noah. I have

a little surprise for you.

Cool. Thanks. What is it?

Do you like to smell pretty?

Do I like to what?

Oh, my God!

You got it right in my mouth!

Why'd you do that?

You just spit on my carpet!

And you just sprayed perfume

in my mouth!

What's your problem?

My real babysitter, Nancy, she

plays with me when she babysits.

She does what I want her

to do, Princess Noah!

You know what?

I'm gonna let

you in on a little secret.

I'm not a real babysitter.

Shocking.

I'm more of a sit-on-the-couch,

eat-a-burrito,

do-whatever-L say-or-I'll-Kill-you

type of babysitter.

That's my style, blood.

You understand?

Well, I want to

wear sparkly things,

shiny things,

and glittery stuff

to my favorite

hot nightclub, okay?

Motherfuck!

You guys okay in here?

What's up? Yeah, no, yeah,

I'm just hanging with this

little angel right here.

Yeah, we're just chillin'.

That's funny.

Your breath is really flowery.

Oh, thank you.

Thank you so much.

Yeah.

Okay, should we go downstairs?

Yeah, cool.

Tonight's main

event features crowd favorite

Ricky Fontaine

versus Dustin MacMillan.

Rodrigo!

What did I tell you about

fireworks in the house?

And can you shut off the

Kickboxing for one night, please?

Say, um, hola to Noah.

We just adopted him

from El Salvador last year

and, you know, he's going

through some transitions.

- Okay, cool.

- Okay, well,

we'll see you later, all right?

Besos.

Sweet kid.

Yeah.

He's a cutie pie.

You kind of have to

watch out for Rodrigo.

He has a habit of running away.

Here, hold on to this.

We sewed a GPS chip into his jacket

so we could keep track of him.

It's kind of like

a LoJack for kids.

Cool. It's just like

a little dot

that follows him,

like a fugitive.

Hey, honey, we're running late!

Let's go!

So...

In a minute.

All of our information is

in here, under the blue tab.

There's some frozen pizzas

and pudding in the fridge,

and we'll be at the Historical

Society if you need us.

Cool.

Someone smells wonderful!

I believe that's Noah's mouth.

You remember Noah.

I understand you

were cited recently

for driving

under the influence.

Needless to say, our cars

are off-limits to you.

Okay, no cars. Got it.

We'll be back

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