The Love Guru Page #3

And that's the end of that one. Yeah.

Mariska Hargitay.

Some announcements.

On Friday, please join us

for our first annual Gamblers

Anonymous Monte Carlo Night.

Yeah. Just for funzies, you know.

Bring your singles. Yeah.

All right, good night, everyone! Yeah!

Thank you so much!

Great show, Guru Pitka.

Hey, any bears in the cave?

- Any bears?

- Oh, yeah.

Bear cub. Left cave.

- Right here?

- There. Right there.

Yeah. Right.

That little booger gave me a

nose-whistle during the whole show.

Now, I'm ready to receive.

Mariska Hargitay, Your Holiness.

Mariska Hargitay, Jessica Simpson.

Did you get into the VIP room okay?

I love you.

Mariska Hargitay, Your Holiness.

Mariska Hargitay, Val Kilmer.

Why do you hurt me?

I know why. I know why.

- Mariska Hargitay, Guru Pitka.

- Mariska Hargitay...

Mariska Hargitay.

I so enjoyed your sutra,

especially the part

about not being a victim.

Well, thank you.

Because you are such

a generous benefactor,

we are establishing the

"Mariska Hargitay Special Victims Unit."

The whole nine yards.

Thank you, Your Holiness.

You have gone

from nowhere to now here.

I'm beautiful and I have a secret.

Bang.

Yes.

Guru Pitka, this is Jane Bullard,

owner of the Toronto Maple Leafs.

- Guru Pitka?

- Hold on one second.

Guru Pitka?

No!

So, you are the owner

of the ice hockey team,

the Toronto Maple Leaves?

- Actually, it's Leafs.

- Who said that?

How did you get there?

This little guy

scared the crap out of me.

I think I'm gonna have to do

a panty check.

I might have some

monkey-mustard back there.

No, I am good.

Who is this prick?

Well, how do you do? Shrimp?

What'd you call me, Jagamo?

I'm sorry,

I didn't catch your gnome... Name!

You are a midget.

I find that term condescending!

Condescending.

That's a big word for you.

The man's an ass!

Your Holiness, you're an expert on love.

Yes, I am.

Why do you think Darren Roanoke

threw away his marriage?

Well, in my book,

I Know You Are, But What Am I?

I explain that when love goes wrong...

- Nothing goes right.

...nothing goes right.

- Yes!

- I've read it. It's impressive.

Yeah, it's nothing short

of a masterpiece.

So, do you think you can come back

with us to Toronto in the team jet?

- It's a date.

- Is it, now?

Well, this kitten's got a whip. Meow!

This is great, Your Holiness!

I can see you now,

spreading your message of self-love

- on Oprah.

- Oprah!

He's finally here for the first time

on the Oprah show.

Welcome Guru Pitka.

Oprah! Come on, Oprah.

Hello. Thank you very much.

Mariska Hargitay.

Thank you for the gift of water.

All right, I'm just gonna

come out and say it.

I find your work really inspiring.

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