The Legend of Awesomest Maximus Page #4

Orlando.

This is how wars

get started, man.

If you take her back,

well then guess what, buddy?

I'm going back, too,

because this is the

girl that I love.

I love her and

I love you.

Okay, you're still

rolling, aren't you?

No. Yes!

Look, man. I promised

your dad and Hottessa

that I would be responsible

on this trip and keep the

peace with Greece. Okay?

And I'm pretty sure your dad

knows that I was the one

who got drunk and took

a sh*t in his sink, so

I can't f*** this up.

Awesomest, please.

Orlando, are you going to

let Troy get all f***ed up

over some skank?

(gasps)

No, f*** it.

To Troy!

We're going,

we're not going.

You wanna make up

your mind, here?

Daddy? This is Ellen.

Ellen of Greece?

No, not any more.

Ellen of Troy.

Oh.

(kissing sound)

I had no idea,

King Looney, I swear.

Sound the horns!

My son's banging

a chick!

(King Looney)

It's party time!

Great news!

Welcome to Troy, my dear.

Thank you, my king.

Forgive me, Sire,

but this could mean war.

Oh, f*** that.

Focus on what's important.

My son's no pole smoker.

He don't gobble no goop.

No, no sirree!

I love vagina.

Vagina, vagina, vagina.

My vagina.

Her vagina.

The bearded clam.

- The axe wound.

- Hey, the ole honey pot.

- Hey, the love box.

- The ham wallet.

- The beef curtain.

- The old fish taco.

The bear trap.

The growler.

The pair of flaps.

The tuna tunnel.

The penis place.

Come on. Let's get

you settled in, my dear.

Son, this is a triple A

piece of ass. Woo!

(Narrator)

Meanwhile, King Erotic

prepared for war.

But he needed the help

of his top earner,

Testiclees,

who was training

with his cousin.

Testiclees' Cousin

emulated Testiclees

in every way,

except one way.

Ow! F***er.

(laughs)

Come on,

Testiclees' Cousin.

Take it like a man.

Yeah. Come on.

Testiclees.

Testiclees's Cousin.

What do you want?

I want you to fight

the Trojans with us.

What are we fighting

for this time?

Their prince stole my wife

and dishonored Greece.

(laughs)

Why should I care

about your whore wife?

Because you will get

a lot of glory and people

will remember your name.

And not just because

it's named after the scrotum.

Glory, huh?

Mm-hmm.

How much glory

we talking about?

Big. A lot.

Like echoing throughout

eternity type sh*t.

Yeah. You could have

a deli sandwich named

after you.

Shut up,

Testiclees' Cousin.

All right.

All right, I'm in.

As soon as I get

my mother's permission.

Milfia, your son

is here.

Hi, Mom.

Son.

You look really hot.

Thanks.

(Narrator)

Even if she was my ma,

I'd f*** her.

So you want my opinion

on whether you should

go to fight the Trojans.

How do you

know that?

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