The Legend of Awesomest Maximus Page #2

and some time

and whatnot

and do it

old school.

Your best fighter

versus mine.

If my guy wins,

you submit to my rule,

plain and simple.

And if my guy wins?

Then I'll leave.

Really?

You have my word.

Deal.

Ginormous!

Jesus.

How big was

his mama's vag?

(narrator)

Not big enough.

Testiclees.

(evil laugh)

Testiclees?

Ginormous has this effect

on many men.

Where the f*** is he?

This is embarrassing.

I mean, come on!

I'm standing here

calling him,

we're all here,

and he's not

answering me?

I'm so tired of this.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I know your time

is important.

My time is important.

(Narrator)

Testiclees.

He was King Erotic's

greatest warrior

and immortal among men

and kind of a p*ssy-lipped

b*tch at the same time.

Me?

Carbs?

Sh*t.

(boy)

Testiclees.

King Erotic wants

to see you.

Tell your king

I'm not going anywhere

until I'm finished

with my man-scaping.

(narrator)

As legend had it,

when Testiclees was born

a goddess dipped him

in a magical river

that would make him

indestructible.

But since she was

holding him by

his little baby balls,

Testiclees' testicles

remained vulnerable

to the sword.

(baby crying)

Testiclees.

Your swords.

(grunts)

Are those stories

about you true?

That I wax my ass?

No.

That I banged my mom

once by accident

when we were

both wasted?

What's the big deal?

We were both single.

No, not that.

This Ginormous guy.

Biggest guy I've

ever seen.

I wouldn't want

to fight him.

(sighs)

That's why no one's

gonna remember

your name.

I don't want to fight him

because I'm only

ten years old.

Yeah.

Whatever, p*ssy.

Yeah, well the only reason

you'll be remembered

is because you're named

after what's inside my

ball sack, jerk off.

(King Erotic)

Look who decided

to join us.

Eat me.

Why you gotta be

such a prima donna?

You know what?

I don't need this sh*t.

Testiclees, wait!

Look at

the men's faces.

(Testiclees)

Good lord.

(King Erotic)

You, and only you

can send them back

to their pathetic families

with one swing

of your sword.

He's such

an a**hole.

You motherf***er!

(screams in agony)

Is there no one else?

Is there no one else?

Stop it, you dick.

I didn't think so.

Who are you, soldier?

Testiclees.

The greatest warrior

that ever lived.

And the humblest, too.

P*ssy.

(narrator)

After conquering

the Thessalians

King Erotic was now

an even bigger threat

to Troy.

And so Awesomest met up

with his brother-in-law

Orlando

at Erotic's post

victory party

to kiss Erotic's ass,

but with no tongue,

because this silly fruitcup

would probably

like that sh*t.

On the behalf of myself

and my beautiful

young wife, Ellen,

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