THE IT CROWD (2006–2013) Page #4

Season #1 Episode #1 - 'Yesterday's Jam'

---

Roy:
Yeah, well she ahh...

Denholm:
There's no room for people who can't act in a team on my team.

(phone rings)

Excuse me.

Hello. What? Well if you can't work as a team you're all fired. That's it you heard me, fired. Get your things and go.

Hello security. Everyone on floor four is fired. Escort them from the premises and do it as a team. Remember you're a team and if you can't act as a team you're fired too.

Dawn. Get on to recruitment. Get them to look for a security team that can work as a team. They may have to escort the current security team from the building for not acting like a team.

Team. Team. Team. Team. Team. Team. I even love saying the word team. You probably thing that's a picture of my family. Uh uh. It's the A Team. Body; Doyle; Tiger; The Jewellery Man. The whole lot of them. So what do you want to tell me.

Moss:
Well it's just not working out.

Roy:
Hahaha. He's joking.

Moss:
But you said.

Denholm:
Not working out?

Roy:
Oh no! We are getting on like a big house on fire.

Moss:
My ear's getting hot!

Roy:
No. You know what, we should leave now because, you know, you're a busy man and we've taken up far too much of your time. Jen, could you just get the door for me, there?

Jen:
Absolutely Roy!

Denholm:
So, why did you come here in the first place?

Roy:
Errmmm. We set up a voice activation system on your computer. Err I think you're gonna enjoy it. It might just take a little while to get the pitch right on the voice but none the less go ahead. Thank you very much, bye bye.

Denholm:
Thank you. How exciting.

Hello. Hello computer. Hello. Hello. Hello computer.

Scene 7

Roy:
I mean, what good are you? You obviously don't know anything about computers.

Jen:
No. But okay. But I can learn. You know, I mean. For example, Moss, you could take me through what you're doing right now.

Moss:
I'd be delighted. I'm just working on a very simple piece of programming code.

(white noise)

Jen:
Oh, I see. Oh God, no I'm lying again I didn't understand any of that, I don't know anything about computers. I mean, I'm absolutely useless to you I might as well pack up and go home.

(Jen goes into her office)

(Laura knocks and enters)

Laura:
Hi. Is, Roy around?

Roy:
Hello there little lady. Are you lost? How can I help you? I'm Roy.

(Laura knees him in the bollocks and proceeds to beat him senseless)

Well here I am!

Roy:
Not the face! Not the face!

(Laura takes off one of her Manolo Blahniks and beats Roy with it)

Laura:
Yeah well, maybe this'll teach you to treat people with a little bit of respect.

Roy:
Is it 'cos we spoke on the phone earlier?

Jen:
Oh my God. Are those Manolo's?

Laura:
Oh, yes.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes