THE IT CROWD (2006–2013) Page #3

Season #1 Episode #1 - 'Yesterday's Jam'

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Roy:
Yeah, that was weird. It's almost as if she doesn't know anything about computers.

Moss:
What? (drops cup)

Roy:
What are you doing?

Moss:
Oh don't worry, that's why I always make two cups of tea. Anyway what were we talking about?

Roy:
Oh her not knowing anything about computers.

Moss:
What? (drops cup)

Roy:
Okay, we definitely want to get rid of her.

Moss:
Agreed.

Roy:
Okay, so here's the plan.

Moss:
A plan. Let me put on my slightly larger glasses. Okay. Hit me.

Roy:
Okay, we go in.

Moss:
When?

Roy:
You know, like in a minute.

Moss:
Will that be enough time for me to get to know the plan?

Roy:
Yeah, you know what. I shouldn't have used the word plan. I've clearly gotten you over excited.

Moss:
Would scheme be a better word? Although that's just as exciting, I might even need these.

(puts on even larger glasses)

Roy:
All I was gonna say was; we go in, I make up a lot of bollocks about computers and we'll see if she picks up on it.

Moss:
Yes. I can see why you didn't want to use the word plan.

Roy:
Let me do the talking.

Ohh! Ok, we need to get this right. We need to stay calm. We do not want to go in there half-cocked.

(sniggers)

(Roy knocks on Jens door and both enter)

Jen:
Hang on guys. How can I help?

Roy:
Well, we were just wondering, now that you're the boss; would you like us to access the data supplier and connect you up to the matrix?

Jen:
You just made all that up.

Roy:
You don't know anything about computers, admit it!

Jen:
Will you stop trying to undermine me, now get in there and do some work to do with com-puters. I'll be in there in a minute to check up on you.

Roy:
Okay, lady. You've won this round. But we can wait. You will slip up on day and believe you me we will be there when you do. It will be some piece of evidence that will prove without any shadow of a doubt that you don't know anything about computers.

Jen:
(to Moss) What are you doing?

Moss:
Plugging in your computer.

Roy:
It might be something you say or something you do but when we notice it and believe me we will notice it, it's going to be a long way down for you sweet cheeks.

(Roy exits)

Moss:
He'll realise in a second.

(Roy jumps back into the office realising what has happened screaming and pointing)

Scene 6

Jen:
I cannot believe you are going to tell on me. You're like a pair of horrible old women.

Moss:
What did she say?

Roy:
She said we're like horrible old women.

Moss:
She didn't.

Denholm:
Hey, guys. I hear you've got something to tell me.

Roy:
Err yes well , it's like this.

Denholm:
Look at you. My IT team. Team players, each and everyone of you.

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