The Grass Is Greener Page #4

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husband will tell the wife.

"Do you know what old George

said to me last night, my dear.

"He said he thought you looked lovely".

I said very lovely.

And so the...

wife is intrigued and...

the next time she's alone with George

she sees to it that he tells her himself.

Well, it's an oblique approach

but not a bad one, and um...

very effective.

So, I understand.

Well, I don't know your husband.

And my name is not George, it's Charles.

What's yours?

Hilary.

Hilary?

That's a boy's name. You

don't look like a boy to me.

Charlies what?

Delacro,

D-E-L-A-C-R-O.

- Oh, sounds French.

- It is, was.

Used to be

Delacroix, C-R-O-I-X.

But, uh...

We Americans are a simple,

straightforward people.

We see an X on the end of

a name and we pronounce it.

My grandfather thought that Dela-Quacks

sounded like a duck laying an egg,

so we cut it off.

The X, I mean.

He was born in France.

In Tours.

Oh now, isn't that odd.

I had a French grandfather and

he was born in Turenne,

perhaps were cousins?

Oh, I doubt that.

Your grandfather was probably a

nobleman. Mine was a clockmaker.

And now you're a millionaire,

and I'm a mushroom grower.

Oh well, there you are.

That's the way the world wags.

Well, it's um...

it's a little early to

offer you a cup of tea.

Would you like a drink, or something?

Well, I don't really want one, but uh...

accepting a drink means

that I'm now your guest,

and not just an intruder,

then, by all means.

Yes, well. Perhaps you'd

like to help yourself.

Alright, thank you.

I imagine it's something

you're quite used to.

Helping yourself, I mean.

Was that a crack or a compliment?

Well, which do you think it is?

Well, in my country I'd probably

consider it a compliment.

Here it's probably a crack.

And if you don't mind my saying

so, I think that's a pity.

Well, I'm not really

in a position to argue.

The relative value of mushrooms

and oil in the world market today

being so unfairly what it is.

And don't try and turn the tables on me.

I apologize.

It's only that some of the customs of this

country I find more unusual than others.

- Having no ice in my drink of course...

- Oh blast!

- Oh, I can make you some in two minutes.

- I don't mind, I really don't mind, honestly.

I don't complain until it

actually burns my tongue.

I'm really terribly sorry.

Would you, uh...

like me to fix you a drink?

Fix?

You sound as if you're going

to drug me or something.

Sometimes I'm convinced that the

greatest barrier between our two countries

is the bond of a common language.

Could I, uh...

May I pour you out a drink?

No, thank you.

Tell me, why do you grow mushrooms?

To make omelettes?

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