The Grass Is Greener Page #5

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No!

To make money.

Oh, and do you?

Oh yes. It's rather fun, isn't it?

Making money, I mean.

Where do you live?

I've got a home on Long Island, but I'm

only there about 3 months out of the year.

Oh there you go calling

a house a home again.

Can't be much of a home if you only

spend 3 months out of every year in it.

I guess you're right.

And you're divorced.

Yes, I am.

If I weren't, I suppose I'd

have a home instead of a house.

Why were you so sure

that I was divorced?

You're the perfect type-casting.

I'll bet you go to psychiatrists

and you take tranquilizers

and you're frightened of ulcers

and you eat to many salads.

Lady Rhyall's report of the social

activities of the American male.

You subscribe to the Reader's Digest

and you belong to the Racquet Club and

you worked your way through college,

or did you win a football scholarship?

No, I worked my way through college.

As a crooner, believe it or not.

- And played halfback on the football team.

- Correct.

- And were in the Marines during the war.

- No.

Army Air Corps.

Finished up a one-star General.

You're wrong again. I was

a Colonel. Anything else?

Yes, you always call your

girlfriends either sugar or honey.

Now when is it my

turn to be rude to you?

And you wouldn't feel properly dressed unless

you had a camera slung around your neck.

You mean like a...

Englishman and his umbrella?

That is our climate.

You don't mean to tell me that those

things are actually constructed to unroll

I though they were just for...

hailing taxis.

Oh no, we unroll them at all

sporting events and most weddings.

Sporting events.

Alright. I'll be fair.

It's your turn now.

To be rude to me, I mean.

Go on. Go ahead.

Well...

let me see, uh...

I'd say you were an only child.

Very spoiled.

You were called Hilary because your

mother and father were disappointed

that you were not a boy.

I have three brothers.

Ah well, they spoiled you.

Well, they bullied me.

Teased me.

Tricked me out of my pocket money,

cut my head open, and destroyed

my faith in Santa Claus.

And I simply adored them.

I was called Hilary

after someone my father hoped would leave

me something in his Will, but he never did.

And you wore braces on your teeth

and were considered the ugly duckling.

No.

But that didn't bother you because what

you really wanted was to go up to Oxford.

No, Cambridge.

And you majored in History and finished the

Times crossword puzzle over your breakfast.

Yes, and no.

What do you mean yes and no.

Well yes, I majored in History, and no I read

what you call the Tabloids at breakfast.

What else do you read?

Ooh, anything from

poetry to cookery books.

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