The Fake News with Ted Nelms Page #3

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I was

very disturbed by that, and I thought,

"You know, we

need to bring it up.

Don't pretend

that you can hide it

under the rug

or in the corner."

But first, the

Trapped-nited States of In-a-well-merica --

our continuing coverage

of President Trump

trapped in a well.

Let's check back in

with Gail Claymore.

Gail, have you ever had a dream

where your hands fall off?

I've had dreams

where all my teeth fell out.

Yeah. That's

stress-related.

This is different.

What's happening at the well?

It's

getting dire, Ted.

Rescuers are running out

of options and, frankly, patience.

I'll be

honest with you.

These are some of the

best America has to offer,

and even they are losing steam.

Gail, Gail, Gail.

[ Chuckles ]

Ted?

One second.

There's a guy behind you

being

an absolute cutup. Find out who that is.

Sir, can you

come here for a second?

Can you please give us your name?

[ Chuckles ] Uh...

Mike --

"Mike

Rotch." [My Crotch]

Very pleased

to make your acquaintance, Mr. Rotch.

Will you tell us

a little about yourself?

Uh, I saw the camera,

and I was just, like,

"What if"

-- I don't know.

Mr. Rotch,

let me tell you

what you just

did right there -- You took a tense moment,

and you

imbued it with levity,

telling America

it's okay to smile again,

and I, for one,

thank you for that.

Pbbbbbbbbbbbbbbht!

[ Chuckles ]

It's good stuff.

It's just good stuff.

I'm looking

forward to the next national tragedy

just to see what

you do with it, Mike.

Gail, give

him your cell number.

-Awesome. -What?

Being in a well might not

be good for a president's survival

or hygiene, for that matter,

but what does it

do to his approval ratings?

Well, it turns out, it

helps quite a bit, actually,

and his Republican

colleagues have taken notice,

many jumping

into wells of their own.

Hunter:
[ Echoing

] Trump is in charge.

The President

knows what he's doing.

Harris:
[ Echoing ]

So what we're going to do

is we're going to

follow the President's lead.

Ryan:
[ Echoing ] I

think it's in our interest

to have party unity.

And no surprise,

the Democratic response

to the President's

situation has been swift,

fierce, and well coordinated.

Um, uh...

Uh, uh...

Uh...

Um...

Uh, ah...

[ Indistinct chatter ]

Hello?

Bold words. We'll

see if they can make good

on those promises.

Of course, many

Americans are asking

what it's

like inside the well.

What's President

Trump going through?

Our own augmented-reality

correspondent, Karl Boormann,

is here to

give us a virtual look.

Thanks, Ted. First

off, the well is 5 feet wide,

which is about the size

of a common floaty toy,

perhaps a unicorn, which

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