The Boys in the Band Page #2

Well, there's one thing

to be said for masturbation:

you certainly don't have to

look your best.

Oh. Will you get

out of here?

What are you

so depressed about?

Other than the usual

everything, I mean.

I really don't wanna

get into it.

Well, if you're

not gonna tell me,

how can we have

a conversation in-depth?

A warm, rewarding,

meaningful friendship?

Up yours!

Why, Captain Butler, how you talk.

It's just that, today,

I finally realized

that I was raised

to be a failure.

I was groomed for it.

Naturally, it all goes

back to Evelyn and Walt.

Christ. How sick analysts

must get of hearing

how Mama and Daddy made

their darling into a fairy.

It's beyond just that now.

Today, I finally began to see

how some of the other pieces

of the puzzle relate to them.

Like why I never

finished anything

I've started in my life.

My neurotic compulsion

to not succeed.

Donald, you're

so serious this evening.

Forget your troubles

Come on, get happy

You better chase

All your cares away

What's more boring than a queen

doing a Judy Garland imitation?

A queen doing

a Bette Davis imitation.

Meanwhile, back at

the Evelyn and Walt syndrome.

Failure is the only thing

with which I feel at home,

because...that's what

I was taught at home.

Where did you get

that sweater?

This clever little shop

on the Right Bank called Herms.

I work my ass off

for 45 lousy dollars a week,

scrubbing floors,

and you waltz around

throwing cashmere sweaters on.

The one on the floor

in the john is vicua.

Why, I beg your pardon.

You can get a job doing

something else, you know.

Nobody's holding a gun

to your head to be a charwoman.

And that is, how you say,

your neurosis.

Gee, and I thought

it's why I was born.

Besides, just because

I wear expensive clothes

does not necessarily mean

they're paid for.

Oh, that is, how you say,

your neurosis.

I'm a spoiled brat. So, what

do I know about maturity?

The only thing "mature" means

to me is Victor Mature.

I can understand people having

an affinity for the stage,

but movies are such garbage,

who can take them seriously?

Well, I'm sorry if

your sense of art is offended.

Odd as it may seem,

there was no Shubert Theatre

in Hot Coffee, Mississippi.

However, thanks to

the silver screen,

your neurosis has got...style.

It takes a certain flair

to squander one's unemployment

check at Pavilion.

What's so snappy about being

head over heels in debt?

The only thing smart about it

is the ingenious ways

I dodge the bill collectors.

Come to think of it,

you're the type

that gives faggots

a bad name.

And you, Donald...

you are a credit

to the homosexual.

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