The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas Page #4

You know, Mona,

I've known a lot of women in my life.

None of 'em have ever been

exciting to me like you are.

Really? Even after all these years

we've been meetin' like this?

I'll tell you something.

A year with you is like...

a minute of sheer happiness.

Well, now, that is just about the sweetest

thing anybody ever said to me.

I know.

You know, honey...

...you bring out the... romantic in me.

Ta-da!

Whoo! You did that real fast.

I've had a lot of practice

gettin' in and out of my clothes.

How do you like the outfit?

Hot damn. Makes me feel real sexy!

Whoo!

Well, you don't look real sexy.

- I look like I always look.

- That's just it.

It's them damn droopy boxer drawers.

I just hate the looks of them.

- I've worn boxer shorts for years!

- And they look like it.

These are a brand-new pair.

I don't know what you're talkin' about.

People tell me I have

a real sexy quality about me.

Well, you do,

but them boxer shorts don't.

But when I was gettin' me some

sexy things, I thought about you.

They have a his-and-hers department...

...and I thought you might

wanna try that on for size.

What the hell is it? A Japanese slingshot?

No, it's Jockey shorts

with little silver snaps on the side.

Mm. "Little" is the key word here.

They are real little.

A guy could hurt himself wearin' those.

I don't think so, thank you very much.

Ed Earl, I paid $20 for these, plus

postage, and I want you to wear 'em.

- You paid $20 for these?

- Yes!

Well, you got screwed.

- Come on, Ed Earl!

- No!

If they look half as good as I think,

you ain't gonna wear 'em but a second.

Maybe less.

- They're ridiculous.

- They're sexy.

No, no, no!

Well, fine! I'm gettin' dressed

and goin' home.

Well, fine! I'm goin' in the bathroom

and... put these on.

Be like puttin' two bowlin' balls

in a marble bag.

Braggin', braggin', braggin'.

- Well, I saw Dulcie Mae in town today.

- Oh, yeah?

I guess you'll be goin' there

for Thanksgivin' dinner.

- Don't I always?

- You better check that turkey of hers...

...because there's a hook in there that's

gonna drag your ass to a weddin' chapel.

No way.

I don't believe in matrimony.

It screws up a relationship.

Amen to that, Ed Earl.

- Ready?

- Oh, I'm always ready.

Well, hellfire! Is that it?

- How'd you like it?

- I didn't hardly get to even see them!

That's all you're gonna see,

cos I ain't parading around.

- Oh, come on, Ed Earl.

- No!

- For me.

- No.

- One itsy-bitsy peek?

- What are you doin'?

Now, that's what

the little silver snaps are for.

- Work, don't they?

- Just like a snap.

Come on over here

and give me a little lip-lock.

Oop. Gotta brush my teeth.

You know how I am about my breath.

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