The Animal Page #4

of their own.

Some have a vocabulary

of up to 200 words.

Cosmo has about 150 words.

That's incredible.

I didn't know any of that.

Hi, there.

I get along better

with animals than people.

Animals are simple, honest.

Know what I mean?

I guess I like people better.

With animals,

I feel like I'm one of them.

Easy, boy.

Do you ever feel that way?

It's crazy.

Crazy.

Calm down. What's the matter

with you guys?

Let me ask a serious question.

Do you ever have trouble with

control?

Yes.

First you have to admit

there's a problem.

You have to say,

" I am a porn addict."

Not that kind of control.

I've been having these...

- ...animal urges.

- Me too.

I got a video on the mating

rituals of the hippo.

He was trying to take my meat.

Hey, doc. Dr. Wilder.

Hey, doc!

There you go.

Tummy's all gone now.

How's my boy?

I knew you'd come home.

I'm not coming home.

Stop it!

You're not helping.

- Sorry.

- Look, doc...

...this control thing's

a lot harder than I thought.

Hold on.

This might help.

Here. Here.

I woke up in a butcher shop.

I have no idea how I got there.

Oh, I see.

The other day, I ate out of

a garbage can.

I bit someone, and then...

...l made love to a mailbox.

Your subconscious

is reverting to a primal state.

That's why I wanted you to stay here.

I was so sad when you left.

I thought we could be buddies.

I even gave you a name.

Snowball.

I already have a name.

Oh, Snowball already has a name.

Who's a good boy, then?

I'm a good boy.

I'm a-

This is serious!

I'm turning into an animal here!

All right.

Four turkeys, a dozen lamb shanks,

two salmon, my pet rabbit...

Oh, Charlie. One ham hock.

You see?

You didn't want the biscuit

because you satisfied your hunger.

Now that I have

your attention, listen.

You must anticipate your instincts...

...satisfy your animal urges

before they take over.

Hunger is your biggest challenge.

There's also your sex drive.

If you like,

I could help you with that.

That's all right.

I'm good.

Okay. No.

I gotta go.

There are a few things

bothering me here.

I don't know how you got to the

butcher shop break-in...

...but let me guarantee you this.

You better not try to show me up

with any of your super-cop bullshit.

Not at all, sir.

You got one week of probation left.

And I'm gonna be all over you.

Say hello to your new partner.

What's all that sh*t?

Supplies.

I want to be prepared for anything.

Of course you do.

Hey, pigs.

Get the hell out of here.

It's our neighbourhood.

You're just a regular badass.

- When did you notice it was missing?

- This morning, about 5:30.

I parked the tractor right here.

Now it's gone.

- Is that your goat?

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