Swiss Army Man Page #3
I'd have to go digging
under the bushes by the freeway
and sneak into my dad's stash.
I mean, before the Internet,
every girl was a lot more special.
I bet you probably did the same thing,
make up little love stories
for each of them.
What kind of love stories?
Well...
her name might have been... Jessie.
And you'd imagine
bumping into her on the street
and whisking her off her feet.
Sign a one-year lease together.
Cook dinner together.
Watch Netflix.
Ah.
Hank, something's...
something's going wrong with my b*obs.
What do you mean?
They're going crazy.
Holy sh*t.
Ho... Oh, no. It's stopping.
- Huh.
- Hey.
What is Netflix?
Sh*t. Uh, n...
Well, that's...
Normally when you go on a date
with a girl,
you'd take her to the theater
to watch a movie,
but when you're... when you're truly
comfortable with someone,
you stay at home and watch Netflix.
Like, you and Jessie would probably stay
at home together all the time,
watching movies.
You'd... You'd fall asleep on the couch,
unless you were throwing
one of your awesome parties.
Then a few years later, you'd...
you'd get married.
You'd have a... a small wedding,
nothing big, and... and you'd have twins,
and you'd have to get a second job to pay
the bills, but you wouldn't care, because...
because you'd be going camping
all the time with your family, and...
and you'd tell her she looks
even more beautiful with gray hairs.
Manny.
Manny, I think my love story
is bringing you back to life!
Oh! Whoa! Whoa!
- It's moving!
- What's happening?
- What is that?
- It's alive!
- What is it?
- It's moving!
Oh, God, I'm disgusting!
No, no. No, no, no, you're not disgusting.
No, my body is disgusting. It's horrible!
No, it's okay. This happens to everybody.
This happens to everybody, it's normal.
- Really? Okay.
- Yeah. Uh...
It's okay. Calm down.
Hey. Hey.
Hey.
Hey. Let's just...
Let's just take this away for a second.
Calm down. It's okay.
Okay.
Holy sh*t.
Jessie.
Manny, I think your penis
is guiding us home.
Oh.
Hey, nothing's happening, Hank.
You think I'm broken?
Ah, that's okay.
Look, sometimes when you do something
too many times,
it has less of an effect.
It's like the... the law
of diminishing returns.
It happens to everyone.
That's why there are so many fetishes
out there.
- Fetishes?
- Yeah.
See, everybody has
their own special tastes.
Girls must be so nice if they let guys
Yes, they are very nice.
Remember when you put
that cork in my butt?
Yeah.
- Did that count as sex?
- Manny, no.
I wanna have sex.
I wish there was some way
It's called masturbation.
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"Swiss Army Man" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 29 Apr. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/swiss_army_man_19248>.
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