Staten Island Summer Page #2

Synopsis: Danny, Frank, and the rest of the life guards at the Great Kills Swim Club decide to throw a killer party and hook up Danny with his childhood babysitter on his last weekend in town. Meanwhile, Chuck, the pool manager is the trying to shut them down.
Genre: Comedy
Director(s): Rhys Thomas
Production: Paramount Pictures
 
IMDB:
5.6
Metacritic:
41
Rotten Tomatoes:
38%
R
Year:
2015
108 min
262 Views


the Asians eventually.

Oh, my God.

When you join the Navy,

their collective IQ is gonna

drop, like, 25 points.

Like, you're going

to sink our ships.

Hey, look.

If you're in love with me,

just say you're in love with me.

Yeah. You know.

Is that how you say

it in sign language?

Is it that?

No, that's "F*** you."

Oh! That's "F*** you."

Hey, scram, kids.

Beat it. It's adult swim

in the bathroom.

I'm the king of the castle.

Home sweet home.

My own executive bathroom.

Dude. Ow. Truce?

Sorry, man. Truce.

Wow.

You guys have

really matured this summer.

Rachel and Rebecca Rabinowitz.

Half Asian, half Jewish.

They were identical,

but somehow everyone agreed,

Rachel was the hot one.

Oh! Rachel.

Rebecca.

- How are you guys?

- Good.

So, hey. Are you guys going to

the staff party on Saturday?

Ooh. Staff party.

Uh, Danny's not,

'cause he's going to Orlando

to get his vagina enlarged,

but I will be there.

Oh! That's cute they invite

the baby pool lifeguards.

Oh, it's cute that you exist.

Why can't there just be

two of you, Rachel?

Why can't there be zero Franks?

I do everything here, okay?

I'm not a baby pool lifeguard.

I'm a lifeguard who happens to

be at the baby pool right now.

Well, it's been great hanging out

with you guys. See you later.

Bye, Danny. Not bye, Frank.

Bye, Rachel. I love you.

Please die in a fire, Rebecca.

Chuck, you in here?

Chuck. Chuck.

Yo. Chuck.

Not now, Victor.

Go away, buddy.

Yeah. Okay, yeah. But you know,

there's a hornets' nest

by the handball court.

This thing is insane, man. It's

like a hornet Mexico City.

Talk to me about it in,

like, 20 minutes. Not now!

Just... Victor, just take care of the nest.

Get out of here.

God. Get your face out of here.

Chuck, all right,

I'm on it, man.

Are you still there?

Yeah, I'm on it. Okay.

Thank you for the opportunity.

Am I the only one

that's normal around here?

Look at that horse.

That one's brown as hell.

Oh, Danny.

Why can't you just man up for

once in your life, okay?

This is the last

weekend of summer.

I am being a man.

The only reason why I'm going is

because it means a lot to my parents.

Okay, well, the staff

party is this Saturday.

And you know what? Danny,

it means a lot to me.

I have been laying track

with Rachel all summer.

And she's finally into me,

and I think I'm gonna S the D.

Suck the dick?

What? No. Seal the deal.

Why don't you just say that?

Because it's a shorter way...

It doesn't matter. Okay?

The staff party is the culmination

of the entire summer.

It's basically summer prom.

And you know what happens

at prom, Danny?

Girls S the D.

Seal the deal. Suck the dick.

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Colin Jost

Colin Kelly Jost (, born June 29, 1982) is an American comedian, actor, and writer. He is known for his work on Saturday Night Live, where he has served as a writer since 2005 and "Weekend Update" co-anchor since 2014. He also served as one of the show's co-head writers from 2012 to 2015, and it was announced that he would come back as one of the show’s head writers in December 2017. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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