Spring Page #2

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I'll call you tomorrow.

- Are you gonna be all right?

- Mm-hmm.

- You gonna be all right?

- Yup.

Yeah, you gonna be all right.

I'll see you tomorrow.

F***! These f***in' things.

- Am I supposed to f***in' jump it?

- Are you f***in' retarded?

There's a hinge, man.

F*** you, man.

Hey, uh... why don't you...

why don't you call up somebody

for a sympathy f***?

No, I'm good, dude.

All right.

I'm telling you, Evan,

your mom just died.

You're only gonna get

to use that one once.

I love you, brother!

- Love you, dude.

- I love you.

Mm, condom?

Okay.

Handsome picture.

I look like a hobo with smallpox.

You know I'm only here

because I feel sorry for you,

but this is a very nice picture,

Evan Russell.

Thank you.

- You're sitting on the condom.

- Mm, why do you have this?

Are you f***ing whores in TJ?

What? How did you even get to that?

My dad, he made me get one

'cause we were gonna go to Italy

after I got back from college,

but you know what happened.

How do you feel about me?

I just got sober all of a sudden.

I can't do this, I'm sorry.

Get out of town, Evan.

Right now?

Yeah. My brother's a fuckup, too,

and he took a break

and he went to India,

and he totally re-centered.

I just worked my way up

to sous chef, though.

You didn't go to Berkeley

to chop vegetables.

You sound like an elitist a**hole.

Mm, I'm just not sober

enough for this conversation.

Then let's have sex.

Mr. Russell?

Dispatch, I've got no one at the house.

F***.

Hi, can I get a flight somewhere?

Anywhere.

I'm sorry, I'm really hungover.

Where would you go?

I don't know, like, uh...

Canada or Europe or something?

White people love Italy?

Gotcha.

Book me on the next flight.

Or, when is the next flight?

Actually, hold on a second.

Should I go to Italy?

What?

What, a wizard?

You're a wizard, Harry.

You're a wizard.

So I says to Mabel,

I says, you can't f***ing put

the guy on the fence like that

'cause it's f***ing getting

in the way of my apple trees.

- Excuse me.

- Sorry, mate. Yes, bruv, what?

Do you guys know where I can

find an Italian phrase book?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, there's a bundle

of them down there, actually, pal.

- Thanks.

- Yeah.

- Where are you from?

- California.

Oh, California. What, Hollywood!

- Join us for a drink, pal.

- Yeah, come on, man.

Come on. Sit down. Have a drink with us.

Go off and get him a drink, go on.

I'm Tom. That's me pal, Sam.

Sam's Welsh and he fucks sheep,

but don't worry, he's all right.

You know, he won't come near your bum.

- I'm not Welsh.

- Listen, mate,

- you are gonna f***ing love it here.

- Thanks.

All you do is eat,

f***ing drink, smoke weed.

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