Spring

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1

- Evan.

- Hey.

You were out for a while. Are you hungry

or thirsty or anything?

I love you.

I love you, too, Mom.

How was work?

- It was all right.

- Oh.

Are you happy?

Yes.

Do you want to hear a joke?

Sure.

This shopkeeper

receives flowers

at the opening of his new store...

and the card says, "Rest in peace."

Are you sure you're not thirsty, Ma?

So he calls up the florist

angry and she says,

"Sir, at least you weren't the one

who got flowers at your wife's funeral

that said, "Congratulations

on the new location."

You need more morphine?

Ma.

Do you want me to call a priest?

I want you to know I...

think you two were amazing.

And I'm grateful for everything you...

Why don't you guys bury

these in your stomachs, huh?

That sucked, I'm sorry.

Look, I'm gonna...

I'm gonna have Shitty Carl

try to cover your shift.

I'm gonna call Carl.

- I'm sorry about your mom.

- Thanks, Mike.

You know, Ev,

that was a real small funeral.

I mean, you know, it was intimate.

That's what I meant, it was good.

It was a good funeral.

Yeah, they really never had

any friends or family

or anything, so...

Nobody else?

They were only children.

I mean, their parents died young.

It was just the three of us.

You know, I'm really sorry about

the casket thing, too.

I mean, I think I saw I had some...

some fish oil on my hands

- and it... the brass was slick.

- Funerals are for the living, Tom.

Why the f*** does this f***ing

goddamn machine not work?!

- F***!

- The cigarette machine is for decoration.

- There's no cigarettes there.

- Give me some of that drink!

Do you want a shot? Let's have a shot.

- I got to work later.

- No, shots. Mike, shots, please.

Whiskey, whiskey.

I gotta take a piss.

...some fruity f*ggot juice

just like you, you f***in'...

Watch where the f*** you're going, man.

- I'm sorry.

- Bite me, b*tch.

Yeah, you're f***ed up, huh?

You tryin' to roll on my b*tch?!

- No.

- I f***in' saw you, man.

- I wasn't.

- Hey, hey, hey, hey!

Guy had a f***in' rough day, all right?

Why don't you just shut

your f***in' cock holster,

have a drink with me?

Calm down, Jesus Christ.

Got a cigarette?

No, I roll my own. Sorry.

Hey, I got a f***in' cigarette.

You want a cigarette? Here.

- Hey, hey, what the f***?!

- F***!

Hey! Hey!

Babe, get up! Get up!

Kick his f***in' ass!

- Get him off him!

- F***!

- Evan, Evan, Evan!

- F***, that's enough, man.

- All right. I'm all right!

- Babe, babe, babe.

F***in'... Evan, Jesus Christ, brother.

I mean, you knocked that stupid f***in'

gold thing right out of his face.

Are you guys f***in' serious?

Ev, I just picked up, like, f***in' four

teeth off the goddamn ground, man.

Holy sh*t.

I mean, holy f***ing sh*t.

Here, put this on your sh*t.

The cops were here, guys.

Is he pressing charges?

The psychopath? I don't know!

Maybe! You almost f***in'

murdered the guy!

Will you... you're getting blood

all over your ice.

Will you put the gauze

on your goddamn knuckles

and then f***in' put ice on it?

Tommy, seriously, cock holster mouth?

- Hey, what...

- Why would you say that?

- 'Cause he had a f***in' cockmouth.

- For f***'s sake!

Look, man, you nee... you need

to change up your environment.

You have a lot of sh*t going on,

your whole family's dead,

and I think the best thing for you

would be to just shift gears

and do something completely

different with yourself.

Are you telling me that I'm fired, Mike?

He's not saying that.

Mike, you wouldn't...

I'm not saying you're fired.

I'm not saying you're fired.

No, Mike, you're not saying that.

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