Skvernyy anekdot (A Bad Joke) Page #4

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Attention! I have news!

News, gentlemen!

I have no money.

Not enough.

Thief! B*tch!

Maman! Maman!

For Christ's sake, maman,

I need two more roubles!

What?

Two roubles...

It's an honour...

To buy champagne.

Champagne then?

Champagne is good.

It turns out, you have good taste.

You just can't live without champagne.

I'm not asking it for myself.

It's for the general.

Parasites!

Damn spongers!

Your friend Pseldonimov is raging,

he demands money.

Where would I get any?

What money, for God's sake?

Hush!

You, womenfolk!

Too much talk.

Step aside.

Dad.

Porfiri.

Two steps forward.

So then, Porfiri,

you receive generals.

That's what it is about.

It appears,

you are trying

to put yourself

above me.

You say you're better than that,

you don't want to know us anymore

since you've befriended a general.

Mlekopetayev is not good enough for you.

Dad...

Shut up!

I am your general! Not him!

I am! You hear? I am!

Dad!

I will pray for you day and night.

I need two roubles, please.

Dance for me.

No, not good enough.

We need music.

Sing for him. Go ahead!

Dad...

Dad.

They are dancing, let them dance.

But don't even think about feeling

too sorry for him, gentlemen.

Of course, he is suffering,

but at the same time, he feels some

base shameful delight

and, horribile dictu,

enjoyment.

Yes, gentlemen, enjoyment.

And I stand by that.

The need for this secret

and disgraceful enjoyment of slavery

is a trait of each Pseldonimov alone

and all Pseldonimovs of all times.

The Tree of Good has the good fruit.

The Tree of Evil has

the evil fruit.

The tree shall be known by its fruit.

How can viperous brood

tell the word of good?

Bravo!

Let's take a syllogism.

Morality...

Madam!

Akim Petrovich.

I'm here.

Porfiri!

Your Excellency,

do us the honour, come to the table.

I'm don't really know...

I was going to leave.

Do us the honour.

Gentlemen!

Gentlemen!

Do come to the table.

Enough.

Your Excellency, do us the honour,

do not shun us, poor people.

Do come to the table, Your Excellency.

I have become older not by the quantity

of the years gone by, but by their quality.

You told me to shave off my whiskers

because they lack patriotism, and I did it.

Gentlemen, allow me to propose a toast.

Gentlemen!

Now a kiss!

Excuse me, but I am, as it were,

a fanatic of love of fellow men.

I'm writing a will.

What and to whom do you bequeath?

Due to the impossibility of

being Russian, I've become...

They wanted to take him to court,

but then noticed he was insane...

I think that tomorrow I might

suffer a stroke of falling sickness.

I like philosophizing.

I love speaking and I'm good at it,

but I warn...

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