Shut Up and Kiss Me Page #4

and two--

they need to go ass to mouth.

Swallowing is optional.

Wow, that is

a charming checklist.

Hey, d0n'tjudge me.

I get laid.

You jerk off.

'Nuff said.

Hey, are you Ben?

Yeah, are you Joseph?

Yeah, but everyone

calls me Jojo.

Jojo.

You are so cute.

Okay, Jojo?

How old are you?

Twenty-six.

Twenty-two?

Seventeen.

Here's the chicken...

and the steak.

Mm.

Nothing like rare meat.

Nope.

So, you wanna play

head to head?

Excuse me?

On PS3.

What's your user ID?

I don't even know what that is.

Oh, come on.

My mom said

you could come over

after our date

if you wanna play.

Your mom.

Well, yeah.

I mean I live

in the basement.

She's not even

gonna bother us

unless she's doing

my laundry.

Um, in your photo you--

youlooked

a little bit different.

This is the real me, though.

I hope you don't mind.

I'm pre-op,

will have the surgery soon.

Oh, I think

that's great for you.

I do, but that's just not

really my thing.

[laughs]

Oh, thank God.

You're not my type either,

sweetie.

Dessert?

No.

Pre-op.

Post-op.

Hi.

Woof.

What?

Woof.

Woof?

Oh, I know,

who says that, rig ht?

I'm over Internet dating.

You fool me once.

Seriously, can't you go

to a bar

and get laid like

a normal gay?

Oh, a normal gay?

This isn't about sex.

James, you meet

a lot of guys online.

How come this never happens

to you?

Let me set you up.

No.

At least you'd be getting laid

if you IetJames here

set you up.

Thank you.

Oh, yeah,

I'd be getting laid.

No offense, James,

but you've seen his version

ofacceptable men.

It's back hair

and bad breath.

You'll take anything

connected to a cock.

Steam room cruiser,

schlobbing the knob.

[howls]

Listen. A cock is a cock.

I am not marrying these guys.

We're just getting off

togethen

That's it.

I can't do that.

I need some sort of mental

connection.

You are such a girl.

Sara, can youjump in

and help me out here?

Sorry, buddy.

Sex isn't that taboo

with me either

I mean, if they want anal,

it's gotta be love,

but I don't mind jerking

a guy off

and I don't have hang-ups

like you.

I don't have hang-ups.

I don't have hang-ups.

[typing]

Single male.

Bisexual with girlfriend

out of town.

I cannot put that I'm bisexual.

This is ridiculous.

[cell phone rings]

Hello.

[Ca/lie]

I just met the cutest guy for you.

I was at Trader Joe 's.

I'm walking down the aisle--

No.

I didn't finish.

No.

Why not?

Callie, your set ups

are always nightmares.

No, they aren 't.

You're crazy,

and you're way too picky

Oh, really?

How about you remember

when you set me up

with Lupe the choreographer?

He was hot.

Callie, you have this idea

that just because

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