Sgt. Bilko Page #5

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- It's a sellout, Sarge.|- Find a lookalike?

- We found one.|- Ahh.

No wonder they call me|a master sergeant.

You know, things weren't|always this good.

When I first got my stripes at Fort Dix,|I considered it my responsibility...

...to provide the hardworking men and|women with some wholesome recreation.

- You ran the gambling.|- That's right, Fender.

But there was this lieutenant there -|Lieutenant Colin Thorn.

A lunatic. I mean, real smooth on|the outside, but underneath, barbed wire.

He rode me like a jockey.

Pools, raffles, card games -|I couldn't do anything.

It was like being in the army.

All right, come on, baby. Let's go!

Hi.

Finally, I got a break. They held|the division boxing finals at our post.

You couldn't stop people|from betting on it.

It was a toss-up.|Now, to me, that's just sloppy.

I like a sporting event in which I know the|outcome beforehand. It's more organised.

I get to one of the pugilists|and we reach a business accommodation.

For a 50-50 split of our winnings...

...he agrees to give less than|a supreme effort in the squared circle.

- You paid him to take a dive.|- Of course.

I had this corporal|working for me - Leo Cletz.

The night of the fight, I give him|the money to pay off my fighter.

Leo misunderstands and gives|the money to the other fighter.

This fighter's surprised, but figures "What|the heck? It's a good price. I'll go down. "

Meanwhile, my guy figures|"Bilko meant I'll get the money later. "

- "No problem. I'll go down anyway. "|- So both think they're takin' a dive?

- Exactly.|- What happened?

Boxing history.

For three rounds, nobody hit anybody.|It was a dance recital.

Finally, I think out of boredom,|one of the guys connected with a right.

What the hell's goin' on here?

Lieutenant Thorn took it|as a personal insult.

- You OK? Did it hurt?|- Very cute.

It looked like Thorn|was paying off the fighter.

He was cooked.

They didn't have enough evidence for|a court martial, but sent him to Greenland.

Game, set and match - Bilko.

- Some story, huh?|- Permission to speak freely?

- Again, permission. OK.|- You dealt with him very dishonestly.

Never mind that.|What happened to him? Thorn.

I don't know. I don't know|what happened to him.

Colonel John Hall, garrison commander.|Welcome to Fort Baxter, Major.

Doberman! Wake up!

Come on, everyone!|Up and at 'em!

Come on, guys, let's not miss|one minute of this beautiful day.

Hey!

- Get outta here!|- I'll get the sarge!

That's it. Now you guys|gonna be in trouble.

- Hey, Sarge! Get up.|- What's the matter?

Everybody take cover! Gather all the men!|Man the battle stations and...

What's that music?

I understand, Major, this weapon system|is in the experimental stage.

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