Sex Drive Page #6

Yeah, and post it on

Totalfuckingawesomeness.com.

Backslash-we-rule!

RANDY:
Where'd you come up with that?

-Hey, can I ask you guys a question?

-You just did.

-Can I ask you another question?

-You just did again.

-What's up? What's up?

-What's up, what's up?

Nice hair.

It'll look even better in my crotch.

-Dude, where you going?

-Come on.

What's going on?

Something troubling you? Be a buddy.

-I'm... All right, all right.

-You got to get over the monkey.

Where do you guys get the confidence to,

like, hit on every girl you see?

-'Cause we're the sh*t.

-Yeah, you oughts to know that, b*tch.

(SPITTING)

-So where's Felicia?

-Fel-ate-cha. Yeah.

-She's in...

-Fe-lay-cha! You banging her?

We're just friends.

-I'm uncircumcised.

-Yeah.

-I'm into you and I'm hard.

-Yeah.

-Hey, I was born to fertilize.

-Yeah.

-I'm a firefighter.

-GIRL:
F*** off!

(SIGHS)

Wait, I thought you took her to prom.

Yeah,

but it was a just-friends kind of thing.

You should bang her. We would.

ANDY:
Dude, we would bang her so hard.

We would take that ass and just...

Yeah, tell her we'll bang her for you

if you're not into it.

Yeah. Hard.

-With our d*cks!

-Yeah, our d*cks are huge.

You could see them from space!

What's up?

-What's up?

-Hey, do you have a phone number?

You don't. Okay.

I'll call you from nationals.

-BECCA:
Say it.

-You're my little donut girl.

-Bye, sexy.

-Yo, Ian.

-You want to smell my finger?

-Yeah, okay.

(SNIFFS)

Are you sure you got the right hole?

(SNIFFS)

Kids.

(PEOPLE LAUGHING)

Awesome.

Hmm... '69.

(LAUGHS)

Whoa.

Don't puss out. Be cool.

I don't know.

That is a long drive, my sugar biscuit!

Sugar biscuit? God, I suck at this.

(SLURPING)

(CLANGING)

Holy buckets.

She wants me to give her the D.

(NASTY GIRL PLAYING ON HEADPHONES)

(SINGING) Well, honey

What ya got, Mr. Mans?

I got a lot of money

I don't see no keys in my hands

I just wanna nasty girl

(GRUNTS)

Now tell me, is that nasty girl you?

Do you like what you see?

Could you be my nasty girl

and let me do that dirty dance with you?

I can love you long time

(ALL SHAPES AND SIZES PLAYING)

(SINGING)I like 'em all in shapes and sizes

And it don't make no difference to me

If you're short, tall, big or small

Long if there ain't no big surprises

Chances are you'll suit me to a Love beef.

Terry, phone call.

Dude, weren't you in my gym class?

What is it? Egan?

Yeah, yeah. Hey, Jordan.

(SCOFFING)

Right. Whatever, scrotch.

You can't get your fist pregnant.

Russ, man, check it out.

Yo, look who's buying jimmys.

You want these gift-wrapped, Egan?

Just ring it up, man.

Karen, let me have that for you.

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