Semi-Pro Page #6

- Thanks, Kyle.

You're his favorite player.

I'd feel more comfortable

if he hated me.

Listen, I hope you didn't agree

to this trade because of me.

What if I did?

Then you'd be stuck

in Flint, Michigan for no reason.

You know what?

You said you wanted to leave basketball

at the top of your game.

When are you gonna quit?

I'm at the top of my game.

I'm very close to the top.

I just got traded for a f***in' washing

machine. What am I talkin' about?

Good night, Ed.

Thanks for the pep talk.

Ed Monix is a tenacious defender,

and he can hit the big shots.

- When he's not drunk.

- Which is never.

Look, there's nothing in the rulebook

that says you can't play drunk.

No, actually, there is.

Remember those 30 rebounds

against San Diego?

Yeah.

- I don't remember 'em.

- Oh, no.

- Amaretto stone sours.

- Yes.

- I will never believe that.

- All game long.

- No way.

- I mixed 'em!

- Doesn't leave the table.

- Yeah.

Look, guys, you ain't gotta worry.

'Cause tomorrow when I get this cast

taken off, I'll be back on the team...

and I will be rainin' down some threes!

Cornelius, you're a good friend,

but that arm hasn't properly healed...

and I've told you 100 times

you're never gonna play for the Tropics.

You're a terrible athlete.

Come on, man! I'm a excellent athlete.

Look, I broke this arm playin' for you.

No, you broke it

playing with me in the driveway.

You can't even make a lay-up.

I'm an injured player, man.

I should be on the bench.

No, you're not on the team.

Well, in my fantasy life,

I'm on the team.

Well, let's just keep it that way, right?

My God. What the f*** is that?

It's incredible.

It's called fondue.

- Fon what?

- Fondue.

Three different cheeses, melted.

That's what you're tasting.

Gorgonzola, muenster and cottage.

It's the latest thing

from Sweden, apparently.

Well, I'm not surprised by that.

The Swedes are so inventive, aren't they?

- They are.

- Yep.

They are my favorite producers

of pornography.

They make an excellent f*** picture.

Well, I think I'll excuse myself

from this conversation right now.

- To the men's room.

- Stop it!

To make your wiener sing.

Boner machine.

I am not a boner machine, now.

Swedish porn saved my life in 'Nam.

- OK.

- Great, here we go.

- C'mon! F*** you guys!

- Let me get my violin.

Swedish porn was the only thing...

that kept my mind off Charlie

when I was in the sh*t.

Is the sh*t in Ann Arbor? 'Cause

that's where you were during the war.

- He really believes it.

- You were never in 'Nam...

- Nope.

...you jive turkey.

You just call me a jive turkey?

No. No, he did not.

- He called you cocksucker.

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

- Right, Cornelius?

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