Semi-Pro

Synopsis: Three men, three dreams. It's 1976 in Flint, Michigan. Jackie Moon's American Basketball Association team languishes in last place, with few fans in the seats. Jackie dreams of a merger with the NBA. A tough-minded point guard named Monix is at the end of his career; he's played on the champion Celtics but accepts a trade to Flint to be close to Lynn, the love of his life. Clarence "Coffee" Brown dreams of stardom: he's the Tropics' best player, but he's a hotdog who doesn't value teamwork. When the trio learns that a merger is in the works that won't include the Tropics, they pull the team together to try to achieve the impossible. Can dreams come true in Flint?
Genre: Comedy, Sport
Director(s): Kent Alterman
Production: New Line Cinema
  1 win & 4 nominations.
 
IMDB:
5.8
Metacritic:
47
Rotten Tomatoes:
22%
R
Year:
2008
91 min
$33,370,443
Website
69 Views

# Baby, who wants to love me sexy? #

# Baby, who's ready to lick me sexy? #

# Baby, we're naked

and we're humpin' sexy #

# Love me sexy! #

# Come on, girl. Yeah #

# It's me, Jackie Moon #

# Give me that look, that's right #

# Let's get sweaty,

let's get real sweaty #

# I'm talkin' rainforest sweaty #

# I'm talkin' swamp sweaty #

# Let's fill the bathtub full of sweat,

all right #

# Baby, who wants to love me sexy? #

# Baby are you ready to lick me sexy? #

# Baby, wake up, we're naked #

# And we're humpin' sexy #

# Come on, girl #

# Baby, who wants to love me sexy? #

# Love me sexy #

# Baby, are you ready

to lick me sexy? #

# Lick me sexy #

# Take off your shoes

and suck me sexy #

# Suck, suck,

suck, suck, suck me sexy #

# Baby, we're naked

and we're humpin' sexy #

- # Whoo! #

- # Humpin' sexy #

# I wanna do a little thing wit' you #

# I wanna do a little thing

wit' you #

# When I say "love me"

you say "sexy" #

# Love me #

- Sexy.

- Oh, yeah, Flint Tropics crowd!

Get it goin'.

It feels good, doesn't it?

I see some ladies up there

who wanna love me sexy.

Jackie Moon soaking up

a robust round of applause...

as he finishes up his

once-popular song, Love Me Sexy.

I'm Dick Pepperfield joined,

as always...

by former Tropics forward

Lou Redwood.

Yeah, I might suit up tonight.

Sometimes I still dream of glory, Dick.

Well, sometimes dreams

can turn into nightmares, Lou.

What's your problem?

And now, the starting lineup...

for your Flint, Michigan Tropics!

At Ball Girl, measuring 34-23-34...

she hopes to be

an astronaut one day...

I don't think she can do it.

Put your hands together for Melinda!

Go Tropics!

From South Bend, Indiana...

this guy has a heart of gold,

his brother's a retard.

He reads to him

and paints him pretty pictures...

Scootsie Doubleday!

Scootsie Doubleday

taking the court now.

Yeah, his brother

is really retarded.

Ronnie Doubleday.

He has all three

major kinds of retardation.

This guy is single

and disease-free, no V.D. at all...

but you could be the lucky girl

to give it to him!

Six foot five!

Twiggy Munson!

Of course he's disease-free.

What chick wants to be with a guy

that's hung like a twig?

Well, that's not true.

I've heard a lot of women say...

that they actually prefer a small penis.

Show me one gal who says that

and I'll show you a liar.

I'll introduce you to

Mrs. Pepperfield later on tonight.

Oh, Jesus, here we go.

Your man in the middle...

seven foot two...

from a weird country called Lithuania.

He's ugly as shit.

- Vakidis!

- Go, daddy!

- This fella scares me.

- Yeah!

That little kid from the Jackson Five,

he scares ya too.

Oh, mark my words, Lou...

there's something creepy

about that young man.

Bobby Dee, where's Clarence?

- Nobody's heard from him.

- Come on, Tropics!

Bee Bee!

You're startin'.

From Peoria, Illinois...

this guy,

what can I say about him?

He's got the hottest girl in the world,

I'm not kiddin'.

Cannons, people.

Big ol' boobies.

The luckiest man in Flint...

Bee Bee Ellis!

Well, it's true about

what they say about Bee Bee's wife.

She has got a tremendous set of boobs.

To me, they're too large.

Oh, they're perfect.

I don't know, they... To me

she looks structurally unsound.

And now, the moment

you've all been waiting for.

At six foot five,

a solid, meaty 215 pounds...

your pregame announcer,

your owner, your coach...

your pop singing sensation,

but most importantly...

your power forward...

yours truly, Jackie Moon!

All right!

Jackie Moon

always gives himself...

a fantastic introduction.

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Scot Armstrong

Scot Armstrong is an American screenwriter, director, and producer. He is credited with writing or co-writing numerous comedy films, including Old School, The Hangover: Part II, Semi-Pro, Road Trip, and many others. He is also the writer and director of the 2015 film, Search Party. The film will be released in the US in May 2016. Also in 2016, his TV series, Dice, premiered on Showtime. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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"Semi-Pro" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2019. Web. 15 Dec. 2019. <https://www.scripts.com/script/semi-pro_17766>.

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