School for Scoundrels Page #5

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the depression. Never.

Never!

Never!

Well, I was toying with the idea

of buying a new Bellini.

Can't get them into the country,

old boy.

The Bellini's a good motor

if you have Bellini mechanics

around,

but is it worth the hard cash

you have to lay out?

No!

Now, with the old Swiftmobile,

she may lose a few inches

in sheer getaway,

but open her up

on the great west road

and you have that lovely

soothing roar that will...

how can I call it,

that swish of wind,

that beautiful gentle yell

of the old type of high-point

bevel transmission.

When you drive her,

you know she's there.

I mean, take that gearbox.

You get the coarse rasp

as you change down,

and then the familiar

deep-throated grind

as you move away.

And a real wonder, the brake

snatch adjusted really hard...

not hard, Dunstan, solid.

A really solid drive.

What are you asking for her?

Dirt cheap, a sacrifice, sir.

Can't be repeated.

The property of a maharaja.

The, er, Maharaja of...

Fawzigadore,

nephew of the cricketer.

Erm, what are you

asking for her?

We had new wheels

made to fit all the tyres.

Look at the stuff that's gone

into that, sheer metal.

Yes, but what are you

asking for her?

Well, we're just getting

down to that.

Actually, we're selling it

at a loss.

We spent 750 nicker on her.

Pounds, Dudley.

Pounds.

Oh, but that means...

not necessarily.

We like our cars going to

good homes, like dogs.

So we're prepared to sell at

the ridiculous figure of...

725 pounds.

Oh, I couldn't possibly.

715, making 715 pounds.

I'm sorry.

Ah, you're weakening, you've

fallen in love with her,

like we did at the start,

remember?

Remember? Oh ho ho ho.

Well...

695 guineas and that's

the rock bottom.

All right.

Done.

Start the car up

for the gentleman, Dunstan.

Yep.

Make the check out to bearer

if you don't mind.

And please don't cross it, sir

it confuses our books.

May the 21st.

Hmm? Oh, yes.

There we are.

Thank you very much.

Thank you, sir.

Well, she's all yours.

Here's the logbook

hop in.

Oh, thank you.

Now, there's one point to

remember.

Don't hang on to the gear lever

after you've changed.

She is liable to kick back.

Don't worry about your exhaust

fumes, it's quite normal.

And when you apply

the foot brake,

it is advisable to apply

the handbrake as well.

And the floorboards work

on the pivot principle.

It's liable to give you a star

when you're not used to it.

Oh! Ha ha.

Well, thank you both

very much indeed.

Bon voyage!

See you again!

I say, I'm frightfully sorry

I'm late, April.

Oh, that's all right.

It's very pleasant sitting

out here in the sun.

That's all settled.

Shall we play?

Erm, yes, of course.

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