Scenes Of A Sexual Nature Page #3

because I've seen 'em on the TV.

And if they did look like you,

then I would be down there

smeared in my own sh*t

quicker than you could say,

"Pass me your underpants, nurse."

You with me?

Ahh...

Look, if I've misjudged

things, then, erm...

Sorry.

You for real?

Oh, she speaks.

I speak.

Which is good to know.

What do you mean, right, when

you said if they all look like me?

Sorry?

What exactly do I look like?

Well, er, you're a...

You're a good-Iooking bird.

A yummy mummy?

Well, yeah, if you like.

I don't have kids.

Right, well, that's even better, then.

Is it?

Yeah, yeah.

Do you have kids?

Bloody hell! I haven't

even bought you a drink yet.

You're too young to be a father.

I am.

How old?

Twenty-five.

No, that's not too young.

Well...

You know, maybe it's not too young,

but it's definitely young.

Compared to what?

Er, to what?

You, you're young.

Compared to what?

Erm...

Er... The telephone.

Yeah, I'm definitely young

compared to the telephone.

[LAUGHS]

You are.

[LAUGHS]

So, what are you young

compared to?

What's that?

What's old compared to you?

What kind of f***ing question

is that?

Why?

What kind of moronic

f***ing question is that?

It was your moronic f***ing question.

I just... It's okay. You can leave now.

Oh. Oh, can I (?)

Yeah, you can go now.

Oh, right. Okay.

So, you're all right, then?

Fine. Thanks for your concern.

[EXHALES]

My name's Noel.

[CLEARS THROAT]

Noel?

As in, er, Gallagher.

And Edmonds.

Oh. God.

Crushes.

What's your name?

Anna.

Oh, as in Kournikova.

As in, I'd quite like

to spend some time by myself.

No offence.

Okay, none taken.

I'll leave you to it.

Thanks for your concern, though.

It's a'right. You already did that.

What you doing?

I'm leaving you to it, yeah?

Okay? Now, if you don't mind,

be quiet, because I need some still.

Mm?

You have got some front.

You know, you shouldn't be

feeding me lines like that.

Are you seriously not gonna leave?

No.

I could scream.

So, scream.

I could get you arrested.

I could say that you tried to touch me.

Well, if I'm going down for it.

You know what? I think

I'm punching above my weight.

I'm just gonna leave you to it.

I'm sorry.

You can stay.

Uh.

Oh...

I don't mind if I do.

[CLEARS THROAT]

What makes you think

that someone like you

has any chance whatsoever

with someone like me?

Y'know, I don't remember

asking if I did.

Come on, you've been drooling

since you saw me.

I have not. Look, I just...

I saw a girl who looked upset

and I made sure that she was all right

and then I decided

to do a spot of meditation.

And there was no drool involved.

You are out of your mind.

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