Robin Williams - Live on Broadway Page #6

---

performance-enhancing drug is

if there's a big f***ing Hershey

bar at the end of the run.

Then you'll be like...

Then you'll be like a Swiss

ski jumper going, "I'm there"!

Pour Canadian snowboarder.

They asked for his medal back

and he couldn't find it. It

was around his f***ing neck!

Get out of here, you little

goofy Canadian bastard, eh?

They have weird sports

like the Biathalon

which is like Norwegian drive-by.

"Get the TV, Hans"!

The Canadians won the

gold medal in hockey.

God bless you Canadian people.

You're so f***ing nice, eh?

It's your only

f***ing sport, come on!

That and a mutant form of football.

"We've got 13 men, we

have a longer field"

"No, you have fun, enjoy"!

Canada's like a loft apartment

over a really great party.

"Keep it down, eh"?

"We are nice. We have Jean Chritien,

our great prime minister".

He was the only man in the world who said,

"I don't need no secret service"

"If a guy comes to hit me,

I f***ing knock him out, eh"?

"I'm Jean Chritien which versus

your president, who's a cretin".

Quebec keeps wanting to break away from

Canada, but still keep the currency.

It's like a kid moving

out of the house,

-But I still would like to get money.

-F*** off you!

Canadian money is also

called the Looney.

How can you take an

economic crisis seriously?

- The Looney is down!

- Oh, how sad for you!

What are you saying, eh?

Everyone was so happy that at the

Olympics the security was so tight.

"Security was amazing

at the Olympics".

Utah's the whitest

f***ing State in the Union!

An Arab in Utah is like an albino

at the Apollo. You would notice!

- We found one!

- He's just tanned. Everybody off!

The problem was that there was

basically white powder everywhere.

All the dogs looking

for anthrax were going

"You go, man, you go"!

Pour dogs they looked

for anthrax and cocain.

In the cage at the end

of the day they're going

"I can't taste my ass,

I don't know why..."

"It's my tail"!

Meanwhile your cat

sits over there going

"You're still an

a**hole, you know that".

Is it me, or are cats drag queens?

The way they kinda go

"Who loves Kitty"?

"Are these your shoes"?

Who loves Kitty?

Who loves Kitty?

Male cats have that amazing thing,

where they kinda walk around going

"That's mine"!

"Mine"!

"I like that too".

Thank God men aren't like that!

"Nice car, Bob.

Mine now"!

- What are you doing?

- Just shopping!

The whole anthrax thing

had people going...

They said

"Don't open your mail"!

- Why?

- There's white powder in envelopes.

"Really"!?

"Your mother and I used to look

for white powder in envelopes"!

"We weren't on-line.

We did lines, my friend".

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes