Robin Williams - Live on Broadway Page #3

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It's called a timeshare,

like Miami, let's try that.

Jews will get Hanukah and Passover,

Christians will get

Christmas and Easter

and Muslims will have Ramadan

and that other holiday, Kaboom.

Obviously, the people of HBO

are going "Oh, f*** off"!

"What are you doing, you a**hole"!

I'm very excited

because this is my time

when I was watching

World Cup Soccer, my man.

I saw world cup, baby.

There's a few soccer fans,

the rest of you are going

"Uh, that's like football

without pads, right"?

For the rest of the

world, it's football.

For us, it's "A strange sport,

played by damaged people".

We made it in the World Cup.

Everybody plays it.

Not like the World Series, cause the

French don't have a baseball team.

If they did, they would only have

left field and no one would be safe.

You know what I'm saying?

What can you do, huh?

It is Bastille day, alore!

The day that Marie Antoinette

gave the ultimate head. Look out!

We are French. F*** you, Americans,

I don't care!

My friend Lance Armstrong is racing

right now in The Tour du France.

And every year the French

go, "He is on chemicals".

"It's chemotherapy,

you little toad sucker".

Okay, he has one testicle,

he's aerodynamic.

Everyone, cut off your balls.

You'll be quicker, do it!

Don't be afraid.

When you look at the World Cup,

America finally made it.

We made it to the sixteen, baby!

We're no longer in the

"Special Olympics" category.

They used to see us coming "Give

it to them, they're damaged people"!

Thank you for the ball.

I got a ball. I shoot the ball!

Unlike the Brazilians.

When they play is like...

And the fans are like...

Brazilians are going

"Look, I'm playing soccer..."

"Look, I'm scoring"!

"And now I'm kicking the ball".

Soccer is kinda mellow, you know.

Is a little passive agressive though.

I didn't do anything...

What are you looking at?

It's not like hockey, when someone

comes up with a stick and goes

"Bang, motherf***er"!

That's why there are no

Spanish hockey players.

When a white guy takes

a stick and goes...

"Motherf***er, I'm going

to cut you off now"!

"And you, Freddie Krugger b*tch,

take off the mask, motherf***er"!

"Coming in there!

Goddamnit"!

Sometimes guys do this weird thing...

They fall down and pretend like...

"I've been killed...

I've been blinded..."

"There's nobody near me, huh?

OK, I'm kidding"!

And the referee comes over,

"Yellow card"!

Two yellow cards,

"Red card"!

Hold on, three cards,

"Green card"!

And the referee is so sweet, too.

"What's your name?

Turn around".

"Why didn't you call me

after the Mexico game"?

Not like football referees who have

that "too much commercial time"!

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