Premature Page #5

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This is exactly why I

don't have goals.

Look, you can still

get into Georgetown.

And if you can't, focus on one

thing you can still get into...

Angela.

You're insane.

She doesn't want to...

you could become a beautiful

non-virgin butterfly.

Let Angela's crotch

be your cocoon.

Hey. Angela.

Rob.

Nice shorts.

Uh, thanks.

Uh, long story.

But, um...

I can tutor you tonight.

Really?

Yeah.

Oh, rob you're such

a life saver.

Oh, I can help you out with

your test, but miss marconi is

on her own with her... Mammogram.

Hey. I've been looking

all over for you.

Hey, how was your, uh...

Really?

Uh, yeah.

I, um...

I pulled a wonjongkam.

No. What happened.

I'd rather not relive it.

[ Chuckles ]

Hey, so, listen, um...

I don't think I can

make it tonight.

I, uh, I'm just not

feeling up to it.

You sure? Might cheer you up.

Yeah, you know, another time.

Um...

It's just my future's in doubt.

Yeah. Yeah, no, that's okay.

I don't know why

you feel so bad.

Because I just lied to gabs.

I feel awful.

Good. We can use that.

What?

Well, guilt is a blessing.

It'll make you last longer.

You can only go four minutes

when it's just you

and the tissues.

Yeah, and I'm feeling plenty

of guilt then, too.

Well, we'll need

something stronger.

Remember when I accidentally

exposed my baldy?

Ugh. Yeah.

It looked like my

grandpa's elbow.

Yeah, use that.

That'll ruin things

for a little while.

That's good.

You know what you should do?

Buy the magnums, too.

Then use the regular-sized

condom, but leave behind the

Magnum wrapper.

What's that gonna do?

Besides make her feel

like she has a giant vagina.

Um, I'll have the trojan ecstasy

ultra-ribbed, please.

[ Up-tempo music plays ]

Whoo, whoo, whoo-ooh

whoo, whoo, whoo-ooh

whoo, whoo, whoo-ooh-ooh

I love you

you do, too

oh!

[ Tires screech ]

[ Coughs, groans ]

[ Tires squeal ]

I'm fine, you a**hole!

Whoo, whoo, whoo-ooh

whoo, whoo, whoo-ooh

whoo, whoo, whoo-ooh-ooh

I love you

you do, too

you love you

p*ssy?

Excuse me?

Are you here for p*ssy?

I'm Angela's tutor.

Is she home?

I don't know.

Mind if I check?

Do as you wish.

Hey.

Hey.

Uzi, you know you

can smoke inside.

Uh, no thank you.

Uzi's from Israel. He's

staying with us for the

rest of the school year, so...

Cool.

When it's this quiet

back home...

A caf explodes.

Come on in.

Okay.

[ Chuckles ]

Ka-boom.

Uh... So...

Quadratic equations.

Believe me, it is a lot more

exciting than it sounds.

What are you doing?

Sit on the bed.

Oh, yeah.

Uh, right.

Of course.

[ Chuckles ]

So, would you like some wine?

It's white zinfandel.

It's my mom's favorite.

It's absolutely delish.

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