Paranormal Movie Page #3

---

Are you gonna have that camera

on every night now?

We have to if we want to

catch this thing in action.

All right. Camera man,

what do you think?

I'm flying a 12K par on a

condor and a couple of 650s

with CTB

for an ang light, nigga.

Where do you want me, sir?

What scene number is this again?

- What was that?

- I don't know.

Larry!

It's coming from here.

Wait! Composer?

Yes, sir.

Can I get a little

scary music swell here, please?

Of course, sir.

Don't worry.

It's just a vibrator.

Why would it go off

on its own?

I don't know. Must have

some sort of timer on it.

Why would a vibrator

have a timer on it?

I don't know.

So you know when to go

yourself?

- Hey, wait.

- Why was that bleeped?

Because, sir, the distributors

want you to maintain a PG-13 rating.

So I can't say?

I'm afraid not.

I can't say pig?

No, you can't say that either.

Well, what good does it do in a scary movie

if I can't say pig?

I'm sorry.

But the script has a gnarly

decapitation scene

where a paraplegic woman

gets raped and brutally murdered.

Yeah, and that's fine.

The MPAA doesn't care about shocking violence

as long as you don't say any naughty words.

I see.

I feel better.

What the?

Okay.

Nothing out of the ordinary.

Yeah, just...

Wait. Whoa.

Where's the clown?

Oh, there he is.

Yeah, no biggie, right?

No, seems

like a normal night.

You know, I was thinking about calling

a psychic to help with our problem.

We don't need a psychic for that.

The pump I ordered came in yesterday.

No, not that problem.

The problem with our

house being haunted.

Oh! I know a great psychic

we could call.

He's a waiter at

the dim sum place.

He's always sticking

notes in my dessert.

What does it say?

"Cheer up,

it's only chlamydia."

There's a lot of truth to that.

Yeah. A lot.

Listen, Katie, this is

a serious matter.

I don't think we can rely

on Chinese mumbo-jumbo.

Okay,

this is what we need.

You mind zooming in here?

I don't feel like getting up.

Okay. This guy's been a practicing

psychic for over 500 years.

He even attended a psychic retreat

in India for two weeks.

That's a foreign country.

Yeah. Exactly!

For a one-time fee, he'll not only

communicate with spirits,

but he'll also pop out

a dent in your car.

Okay. We're just waiting

for our psychic to arrive.

Look at that.

Perfect timing.

Not really. Wish that would

have happened about 10 seconds ago.

But here we go.

Hi.

Hi, there, folks.

We are going door to door

doing missionary work

for the Church of

the Latter-day Saints.

We'd like to share our message of peace and love.

Here, take a pamphlet.

It just says, "F*** the Jews."

Oh, you know what?

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes