Orcs! Page #4

---

Course she did.

I'm not tucking you in.

Hey. Cal. If you could be any

protected species. what would you be?

I'd be a narwhal.

It wasn't supposed to

end like this. Hobie.

Hanalei Bay. Hawaii.

That's where I was headed.

You know. I'd have grown...

..pineapples and coconuts

behind the station.

And the native girls would have

used them to make pina coladas.

And they would have danced for me

in their hllla skirts

and their coconut bikinis.

And everybody would have

treated me like a king.

'Cause I'd keep everybody safe

in paradise.

Wow. That sounds awesome.

When I become a ranger.

I don't care where they put me.

Just as long as I

work with good people.

You know. They become

kind of like your family. I think.

That's something I never had.

But if I had my choice.

I'd choose one of the big parks.

like Yosemite or Yellowstone.

Yellowstone can kiss my ass.

You know what big parks are?

Paperwork. Daily uniform inspections.

Time management. Requisition forms

for every little. Tiny thing.

Sexual harassment suits!

Oh. You know. He never

had to deal with any of that.

Who's he?

Ezekiel Crawford.

Park's first ranger.

Oh. I've heard of him.

Didn't he die protecting the park

from illegal mining?

That's right.

A real hero.

Rangers were rangers back then.

None of this weak-sauce

bureaucratic pussies

you find in the service nowadays.

You know. Maybe

it's just the booze talking. But...

..I think I want to get fired.

Well. what about the coconuts?

Coconuts are over. Hobie.

I'm the loser. Marge wins.

And that's what

really pisses me off.

Come over here.

Stop it.

Guys! Take it easy over there.

I'm trying to concentrate.

Kyle. Tammy. Quit it! It's not funny.

Sasquatch.

Oh. Dammit!

This is Ranger Cal Robertson.

I know it's you.

you pot-smoking teenagers.

banging on those bongo drums.

Shut the hell up and go to sleep!

Thank you.

Don't make me come out there.

you little pissants!

I will use whatever force is necessary

to keep the peace.

Get up. Volunteer Cadet Hobie!

Sasquatch!

I'm getting transferred to Hanalei Bay.

Hawaii. And you're coming with.

How about it?

Yes. Sir!

OK. Then. We have 2 hours

before those test reslllts come back in.

And I'll be damned

if we don't go out there

and prove we've the best damned

rangers in the US Park Service.

Now. Let's go get that bear.

Or Big Foot.

OK. whatever it is that's causing

a ruckus out there. Let's go deal with it.

On your feet. Ranger!

Yes. Sir!

But first we're gonna deal with

those nocturnal pot-smoking.

drum-banging. Punk-ass teenagers.

That's a lot of cheese puffs.

Told those kids

not to store food in the tent.

Rate this script:5.0 / 1 vote